I Dare You to Live: The Shrios Chronicles
by masseffectjunkie00
Summary: This is how I personally always wanted the Thane romance to go in the game. There are many scenes that have a lot of conversations that are in the game with little tweeks of my own for story structure purposes. Mass Effect copy right Bioware blahddie blah blah blah, don't sue me I'm just a stay at home mom. Rated M for strong language, themes and possible future chapters. R&R!
1. Challenges

Erin crept quietly through the ships corridors, trying not to make too much noise in case anyone was up. The last thing she wanted was another guilt trip from Garrus about her smoking. She opened the cooling cabinet in the mess hall, too close to the main battery but, it was where her drinks were. Gardiner had been kind enough to mix up a few for her and bottle them. Grabbing one of the larger bottles, she turned towards the elevator, so focused on the main battery door that she didn't noticed the shadow that stood at the medbay door as she rounded the corner.

Once the elevator doors opened up to the main bridge, Shepard continued to walk as cautiously as possible. Just in case. Soldiers like her weren't usually known for their prowess in stealth. Oh sure, she could make covert drops on a ship, but as far as pursuing a target quietly, it wasn't typical, usually. But her parents had insisted on those ridiculous dance lessons when she was a child, and the grace she'd developed from it constantly proved invaluable. '_Thanks Mom...Dad...wherever you are_.' she silently prayed, her belief in God and religion in general had faded after they'd died. Even more so after Torfan. But picking up the assassin and watching as _he_ prayed suddenly had her thinking on it again. The memory played clearly in her mind as she opened the airlock, how she watched as the drell bowed his head and clasped his odd hands together. The light green of his skin shone golden in the setting sunlight, like rays of sun shining through new spring leaves. *_He's...beautiful..._* she'd thought at the time, it had taken her a moment to collect herself and address him. She simultaneously thanked whoever was listening that she'd decided to search for the justicar the next day and dock in Illium for the night. It meant she got to smoke outside instead of the starboard observation room, which was where Garrus had caught her the first time, in the first place.

She opened the airlock and stepped outside of the Normandy, chuckling at how angry he'd been and taking in the sight of the city at night. A small smile played on her lips as she walked over to sit at the edge of the ship dock, plopping down to sit on the edge with her feet dangling over. She plucked the cigarette she'd stashed from behind her ear, and raised it to her lips as she flicked on her lighter. Taking a deep drag and inhaling the smell of Illium, she let her mind wander back to Nassana's complex and to the assassin.

**Memory**  
Nassana had always been a nuisance and her sister was a pain, thankfully someone else had gotten enough of her and sent out that contract. And now Erin had to go in to talk to the assassin hired. There was a shred of ironic hilarity in that, but she'd laugh at it later. As she walked into the complex with Garrus and Miranda, Nassana seemed surprised to see her.

"Shepard? But...you're dead!" the disbelief was laced with panic in her voice.

"I know the scars aren't pretty but do I really look that bad?" Garrus chuckled and Miranda coughed over a spurting laugh, she smiled at her own joke.

"Very funny Shepard. This must be ironic to you, first you kill my sister and now you're here for me." Nassana's tone changed to its usual disdain, Erin had to bite back a snide comment in reaction to her arrogance. Here was someone who could be there to kill her and she was talking down to them? Arrogant AND foolish.

"There's that lovely charm I've missed. Who would bother to bring back a dead spectre just to deal with you? Honesty how full of yourself can you be?" She folded her arms and shifted her weight to her back foot after holstering her pistol.

"Why else would you decimate my security and destroy my tower?" Nassana's eyes narrowed.

"I'm just looking for someone. Not you obviously." Erin cast glances to her right and left, scanning the area. *_He's got to be here somewhere, if nothing else he deserves that thank you from the scientists he saved_.*

"Well if you're not here to kill me then why-" There was a loud thump from the far right side of the room. "Dammit! Check the other entrances!" She jabbed her hand in the direction the noise had come from, addressing two of her guards, then turned and pointed her finger at Erin. " You. Stay put." She was so busy waving her ridiculous hand at Erin that she barely noticed the drell who suddenly and quietly dropped from the vent just above her. He went to work quickly, snapping the neck of the first guard, crushing the seconds wind pipe while taking his gun and using it to shoot the third. "When I finish dealing with this nuisance-" She turned slowly at the sound of the guard gagging as he tried to breathe through his collapsed trachea, just fast enough to see her attacker shoot her remaining guard. She aimed her weapon at him, but he swept her arm up and over as he ducked. Bringing his hand cannon to her waist, he waited a moment before pulling the trigger. Where he'd shot her, her nerves would shut down almost instantly from the shock, allowing her to bleed out with a mildly numb feeling as she tried to draw breathe to sustain blood that was flowing from the bullet wound.

She died almost instantly, as he laid her down on the console behind her and folded her hands. He cast a cold stare across to Erin and her squad before folding his hands to pray. It took her a split second to recover from her thoughts.

"I was hoping to talk to you." She kept her voice even, trying to not show how impressed she was at how quickly he'd disposed of four well armed people in a span of seconds.

"Apologies, but prayers for the wicked cannot be ignored." He kept his head bowed as he finished.

"I wouldn't waste the oxygen it took to say a prayer for her, she doesn't deserve it." In truth she was glad that Nassana was dead, the galaxy was miserable enough without people like her adding to it out of paranoia. Pointless death, disgusting, a waste. Erin killed people yes, but only when they gave her no other choice. The drell shook his head slightly and regarded her...almost sadly.

"Not for her. For me." Her eyebrows shot up at that. She wondered how anyone so skilled and beautiful as this assassin could think himself wicked. Especially after taking out one of the worst intelligent creatures Erin had ever seen, of all organics anyway. "The measure of a person can often be difficult to discern. Take you for instance, all this destruction...chaos."

Erin smirked at that. Oh sure, she could to quiet. Undetected. But it was more fun when the baddies could hear the boom coming and know they're time is about to end. Everyone she'd ever chased had always acted cool and confident, even when she had them in her sights as they watched her. But in the end that's what always happened, and all the pious confidence in the world never amounts to a damn thing when you're staring down the barrel of a gun.

"I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me." He turned and glanced at the corpse of the asari that laid on the console, then cast his eyes upon her. Cold again. "Well, here I am." He'd walked around to stand in front of Erin, putting away his gun. Her eyebrows drew down in a frown.

"How did you know I was coming at all?" It wasn't an inconceivable thought that he'd heard of a dead spectre running around making ridiculous recruitments across the galaxy. Add the fact that the whole thing was funded by Cerberus and it was pretty much common knowledge for anyone who paid attention to intergalactic rumors. But still. He walked over to Garrus, stopping just at the end of his rifle, folding his hands over the base of his spine as he squared his shoulders and straightened his back. *_Excellent posture_* Erin thought.

"I didn't. Not until you marched in and started shooting. I prefer to work quietly. If I have to fight through guards I've made a mistake and I rarely make mistakes. But you, were a valuable distraction."

"You used me to kill her?" She wasn't angry at the thought, but it was surprising.

"I needed a diversion, you needed to speak with me." He waited for her squad to lower their weapons, obviously refusing to have the conversation she wanted to have with a gun pointed at him. Erin nodded at Garrus and Miranda, Garrus put away his rifle but Miranda just aimed her pistol at the ground. Ready just in case things turned ugly. He turned to face Erin once more. "You certainly held up your end of the bargain. What would you like to discuss?" he spoke the second sentence like he was angry.  
**end memory**

Erin had been so swept up in remembering how she met him that she hadn't heard the airlock open once again. As she pulled another drag from her cigarette she saw a shadow from the corner of her eye and nearly jumped clear off the bay.

"JESUS! Krios! You scared me half to death!" she swore as she tried to get her heart rate under control again.

"My apologies Shepard, I hadn't intended to frighten you. Least of all 'to death' when you've only been alive again a few months."

He'd spoken matter-of-factly, but it was so blunt a statement that she couldn't help but laugh. She'd thought it'd been Garrus, or maybe Jacob, out to goad her about her habit again. Garrus she didn't mind listening to. He was one of the first who'd joined her team on the Normandy to take down Saren and Soveriegn, she saw him now as a kind of brother. Someone who you don't mind nagging you occasionally, because you trust them and their opinion, but you like them too much to tell them to piss off when you don't want to hear it. But Jacob? She'd tell him off everyday of the week and twice on Sundays, something about him just rubbed her the wrong way. But he was a good soldier and a decent arms sergeant, so she kept him onboard, for now.

"It's ok, is there anything you need? Something for your quarters?" he shook his head.

"I was curious what you were doing sneaking around the ship. Those," he pointed toward her cigarette, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Are not healthy for humans such as yourself, I believe. Many die from them, if my sources are correct." It took everything in her not to snap at him.

"Yes, I know. Thank you. I say again, is there anything you need?" She didn't want to be rude, but the whole reason she'd gone outside in the first place was to avoid such lectures. He didn't seem offset by her remark, maybe a bit surprised by her lack of concern for her own life. Then she remembered, he'd said he was dying, and here she was unashamedly smoking away at a habit that would kill her. "Uh...I-"

"What you do with your body is your business Shepard. I was in the med bay simply touring the ship when I saw you walk into the galley and back out. Why were you being so quiet?" His eyes were like two pools of liquid onyx, endless with rings of a slightly less dark green for irises.

"I...was...trying to not wake up Garrus." He waited for further explanation. "He tends to hound me when I smoke, trying to get me to quit." Thane just nodded, as if he understood.

"The two of you are...involved?" Erin had begun to take a sip of her drink and ended up sputtering it all over the front of her new favorite sarong and tank top, coughing and cursing. Thane stepped closer to pat her back, helping her.

***cough cough*** "No, no we're not." ***cough cough*** "We've just been friends for a long time, I trust him and he likes to look out for me. He's more like a brother than anything else." As she spoke she stood and wiped the drops of her drink from her sarong that hadn't soaked in. Thane watched her swat away at the folds of the elegant skirt, so unlike the methodical and efficient armor she usually wore, or the Cerberus base leathers. "Dammit, this is brand new too." When she straightened up, damning her skirt for not being waterproof, she looked over to see him staring at her. "Everything ok?" He didn't respond. "Krios?" Still nothing. "Thane?!" This time she spoke with a bit more force, and he blinked then shook his head.

"I apologize, I was..." He seemed to be at a loss for words, but she waited patiently. "I was...just wondering about your skirt." He finished bluntly, and with none of his usual carefully planned ease or finesse. Unexpectedly it made her laugh.

"Yeah, you aren't the first either. I guess when your reputation gets thrown around as _'the Butcher of Torfan'_ and '_Savior of the Citadel_' it's easy to forget that yes, I did those things, and yes I am that Erin Shepard. But I'm still a woman too. And I like wearing feminine things sometimes, but missions are just so constant I hardly get to wear one." That and the crew would likely never let her hear the end of it. The great Commander Shepard liked to wear skirts, there was a gender discrimination jab/joke in there somewhere but, she was too tired to think about it.

"I think you look lovely." This was another thing that set him apart from almost every other man (no matter the species) she'd ever met. He spoke so plainly, so upfront with his thoughts, she'd never seen a man like that who wasn't holding a beer, a blunt, or a blonde blue-eyed bimbo. Garrus and Wrex always did just that, Joker too, but they were different. *_Wait a minute. Different? How?_* She wondered to herself.

"Thanks Krios, I appreciate that." She smiled at his compliment. "How are you finding the Normandy? Comfortable in your quarters?" She flicked her cigarette over the side of the bay, sitting down again and letting her feet dangle. He nodded in response to her question.

"The AI was correct, the life support bay is slightly more dry than every other area of the ship, though the medical bay is fairly dry as well." He crouched down to sit cross legged next to her. "I thought perhaps you'd want to hear more on my illness. I did give you my word that I would tell you more once on the ship." Erin nodded and set her drink down beside her. "It is not communicable, even to other drell, it's called Keprals Syndrome." Erin nodded.

"What exactly is the problem?" She thought maybe Chakwas could help, and if not her definitely Mordin.

"My people are native to an arid world, but the hanar rescued us (some of us) from extinction. But Kahje is humid, it rains everyday there, and our lungs can't handle the moisture. Over time the tissue loses its ability to absorb oxygen and it becomes harder to breathe. Eventually, we suffocate." She could hardly believe what she was hearing. The man was admitting to slowly suffocating to death and he was still on her ship, still going on this mission. And completely free of charge at that.

"The hanar can't do anything for that?" It took her a moment to realize she'd asked that question out-loud, too late to take it back though.

"The hanar are currently funding a genetic research project, they should be able to adapt us. But I do not think my body will still draw breath by the time it bears fruit."

"Are you sure you should be on this mission? I don't mean to look a gift assassin in the mouth, but it doesn't seem like a good idea for you." That was when she realized she was actually concerned for him. *_Well why wouldn't I be? I need him healthy for this mission. Dying slowly by suffocation is not healthy._*

"I should be fine for another 8 to 12 months. The more time I spend in humid environments, the faster it progresses." He used his hands, gesturing back and forth in illustration. She watched as he weaved them in the air thinking how strange his third and forth finger looked webbed together like that. But still, it just added to the alien beauty of him. "I think it's safe to say that by the time my body is incapacitated we'll be victorious...or dead. Either way, I won't be a burden." He seemed so at ease with such a grim destination looming so soon. Not that the Collectors weren't a severe thing to face, but there was something in that he would die soon anyway that made her heart hurt for him.

"You know, Chakwas is a very talented doctor and Mordin is the bet genetic scientist I've ever seen. Between the two of them they might be able to help you." He shook his head in polite refusal.

"The issue is being tended to. I have known I will die for many years Shepard, I thank you for your offer, but I doubt your ships medic or the professor will be able to help me. " He stood and turned toward the ship. "I shall leave you in peace for now. Thank you for your concern, trust me, this will not affect my performance." He turned back towards the ship and bowed once more to her before boarding the ship again. Her eyes narrowed in mock anger, for no ones particular benefit but her own entertainment, and thought. _*Hmm...he doubts Mordin could do it huh? I may have to see just what the good professor thinks about that._* And so she stepped back onto the ship as well, positive that Mordin was either already or still in the lab. Either way, she had a challenge for him, and she intended to see if he was up to it. If for no other reason than that Mordin was a friend, and he'd love the challenge of curing a currently incurable disease, at least that's what she told herself.


	2. Dodging Bullets

**Ok, so I realize this is a bit late but I thought I should better explain my story thus far, **

**just to clarify a few things that could be misunderstood or missed entirely.**

**Character: Erin Shepard, infiltrator. Ruthless, but the difference is that she grew up **

**to a certain age with both of her parents. So yeah, she's ruthless but she had parents. Also, thank you to **

**everyone who's written reviews and is following the story. You have no idea**

**what it means to me, thank you!**

**Also, I hope you'll all forgive a few inconsistent or redundant parts of the story.**

**I don't have a beta as of yet, and I'm having to rely on myself to read, re-read, and read over**

**again myself to check for errors. But I do still miss stuff, if you see anything let me know! **

Ch.2: Dodging Bullets

The doors to the tech lab hissed open, Erin could hear the rapid fire beeping of holo-keys being clicked for Mordin's research and tests. Papers were scattered everywhere, along with dozens of crates that she had no idea what kind of crap was in them. As far as she could tell Mordin must have thought there was order in chaos. She smiled for someone so analytical he sure was unorganized '_the measure of a person can often be difficult to discern.' _indeed. As she stepped further into the lab, Mordin glanced at her then quickly back to his work.

"Shepard, how can I help?" She walked over to stand in front of his work table. _'If anyone can solve this it's Mordin, if for no other reason than he'll just never give up till he gets it right.'_

"I have a challenge for you Mordin." He quickly finished typing and looked up at her, walking around to stand at the edge of the table.

"Yes, Shepard?" She could see the excitement in his eyes, maybe they hadn't known each other long but one thing she knew was that Mordin loved a challenge.

"The assassin, Krios, the one we recruited today. He's dying of something called Keprals syndrome, have you heard of it?" Mordin clasped his chin between two of his fingers, apparently in a quick paced deep thought.

"Hmm, have heard of it yes. Thought of several different possible solutions. No drell to test, no way to run proper DNA compatibility tests. Possible solutions left unexplored, other than theories. Why do you ask?" She smiled, somehow it didn't surprise her that he already had possible solutions. You don't end up a part of salarian special tasks group and get put on a genophage modification project by being just ok. Mordin was excellent, and she knew she had the right person for this particular job.

"I'd like you to see if you can cure Krios. He's assured me that his illness won't interfere with the mission, but if it can be helped I don't want anyone on my crew terminally ill. You think with him on board you can manage it?" He actually smiled.

"Yes! Will need a few things from the Citadel. Solutions. Temperature control devices. Seper-" Erin raised her hands in mock defeat and early surrender.

"Whoa, spare me the details, when we get to the Citadel just go find what you need and com-link with me via your omni-tool. Just let me know how much it is and I'm sure we have plenty of credits to cover it." She decided to go practice some old dance routines in the hangar for a while; she was tired, but not sleepy and had too much on her mind to sleep anyway.

**_Later:_**

As she was walking to the mess hall to refill her water bottle, Erin bumped into Garrus.

"Shepard, I'm glad I caught you. When do you want to leave to recruit the justicar? I was going to do some calibrations and I don't want to be stuck running diagnostics if you plan to bring me on the mission." He noticed she looked slightly sweaty and flushed. "Working out again?" Erin nodded as best she could while taking a sip of water.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep so I was just boxing a bit." Erin still hadn't told anyone about her dancing, for all the crew knew (the credit for which was flawless acting on her part) she couldn't dance. "I'm going to suit up now, go ahead and run your calibrations. I'll bring our new assassin and Massani for this one." Garrus shook his head in mock dismay.

"I still don't see why in the world you get along with him, too mouthy." Erin smirked.

"Look who's talking." Miranda came walking up from her office."I can't remember how many times Shepard has looked over at me in the middle of a fire fight and mouthed 'Scratch one!' just as you spoke." Erin laughed. Despite all odds, she liked Miranda. Yeah she was a bitch, plus she occasionally had a little problem with remembering who was in charge, but she always spoke her mind and Erin respected that. She didn't need to agree with it to appreciate an honest opinion. Garrus didn't seem as amused, but he was a good sport about it.

"How else would Shepard know how bad I'm beating her score?" he flashed his patented turian grin as Erin narrowed her eyes.

"Dream on Vakarian, don't think I've forgotten how I had to keep pulling your ass out of the fire from charging krogan on Korlus. What's the point of that sniper rifle if you always have to get right in the heat?" Miranda laughed while Garrus shrugged.

"Call me a...what's that human phrase? Ah yes, call me a dare devil." Now it was Erin's turn to laugh.

"Oh I can see that catching on, 'Dare Devil Vakarian'" she waved her hands in the air like a banner, then shook her head. "Nope." Miranda nodded in agreement.

"Doesn't quite roll off the tongue like Archangel." Both Miranda and Erin chuckled at that before Erin brought the original point back up.

"Anyway, don't worry about it. Go ahead and do your calibrations, I'll make do with Massani and Krios." Garrus nodded an affirmative and headed for the main battery. Erin turned her attention to Miranda.

"So what's up XO? Or were you looking for me?" Miranda suddenly seemed slightly uncomfortable.

"I was, I have a favor to ask Shepard. It's not something I want to burden you with, but I need your help." Erin raised an eyebrow. Miranda never asked for help.

"What's the matter?" Miranda wrung her hands together.

"Perhaps we could speak in my quarters, this isn't something I want to share with the entire crew." A small plea shone through her eyes, Erin nodded, wordlessly following her to her office. Once the door hissed shut, Miranda turned abruptly.

"Normally I don't like discussing personal matters, but this is important."

"It's ok Miranda, what's on your mind?" Erin tucked her thumbs into the waist band of her shorts.

"You remember I told you about my father and his ridiculous dynasty?"

"Yeah" She nodded.

"That's not the only reason I went to Cerberus, I needed protection. Not for me, my genetic twin Orianna. My father is still hunting her, but she's been safe…until now. She's been living a normal life here, with her new family completely unhindered by him. That's why I'm asking, I want to take care of this while we're on Illium and avoid back-tracking." Erin nodded, it did make sense.

"Alright, you said she's been safe _until now_, what's happened?"

"My sources tell me my father has found her. I've tried to keep her hidden without impacting her life, but he's too close and I'm out of options. I need to relocate her."

"Does Orianna know anything about any of this, or her family?" It struck Erin as odd that Miranda had moved her sister around without said sister noticing. If she was anything like Miranda, then Erin found it hard to believe that she wasn't suspicious of something.

"No, her and her family are completely normal Shepard, they know nothing. I've told Cerberus and they've come up with a way to positively move the family." Miranda rested her hand on her hip, her classic confident 'yes I have this figured out' look.

"Alright, what time is the move?" Miranda's face lit up in complete surprise.

"You'll help me?"

"You're on my crew, Miranda, of course I'll help." Erin understood all too well the importance of family, even if she hadn't liked Miranda she'd have offered to help.

* * *

After she left Miranda's office, Erin made her way down to the engineering deck. The yeoman had said something the evening before about Jack wanting to talk, and she needed to tell Massani to prep for their upcoming mission anyway. She walked down to the sub-deck and saw Jack hunched over in a corner.

"Shepard, I got thoughts...like...little bugs crawlin' around in my head!" Erin repressed a sigh, Jack's habit of being overly intense and dramatic could be annoying at times. She spoke her mind just like Miranda, but it always had some negative edge or shocking lack of modesty, which could be hilarious...in small doses.

"I'll listen to whatever you have to tell me Jack." Erin leaned against the wall of the sub-deck as she crossed her arms, waiting.

* * *

When Jack finished her rant about wanting to blow up an old, and likely abandoned building, Erin made her way to the port cargo. She stuck her head in and talked as fast as she could.

"Hey, suit up Massani, I'm leaving to recruit the justicar and you're coming." To anyone else that might have sounded rude, but she highly doubted the bitter old bastard cared.

"Alright Shepard, hey wait just a minute!" Erin ground her teeth together '_Why the hell does everyone want to talk so bad __**right now**__?'_she wondered to herself as she turned back toward the merc.

"I wanted to thank you for your help with Santiago, still wish I could have gotten the bastard but you were right, those people didn't deserve to die because of that piss stain." Erin smiled.

"Don't worry about it, if we come back from taking down the Collectors, I'd be happy to help you hunt him down." His eyes widened, '_Oh, shocked you have I? That must be a first._' she thought to herself.

"I appreciate that Shepard." He nodded solemnly, it was the most sincere emotion she'd ever seen on his face that wasn't rage. She couldn't help but smile as she made her way back to the elevator, yeah he was a bitter old bastard but he reminded her of her favorite uncle back home on Earth. One of the few family members she still had. Salty, brusque, verbose and deadly with just about anything you put in his hands. Tac on the fact that he always yammered on about pretty much anything he could find relevant to any missions he'd ever been on and he was a piece of home away from home.

The elevator opened up onto the crew quarters deck and Erin turned towards the life support bay, poking her head in quickly like she'd done with Massani. "Hey, grab your gear and be ready at the airlock in half an hour. We're going to pick up a justicar and I'd like to see how you handle more than just three guards and one paranoid, conceited business woman." Thane turned at the waist in his seat and smiled politely.

"Very well Shepard." he nodded. Before she left she smiled back, after the door closed she thought '_Why did I smile? I'm not trying to flirt with him!' _

**'****_Yes you are.' _**a small part of her brain argued.

_'No I am not!'_

**_'What's so wrong with that?' _**the small part persisted.

_'Because he's on my crew!"_

**_'And your point is?'_**

_'I…it's…he's a drell! We're not even the same species!'_

**_'You didn't seem to care when he was smiling at you just now.'_**

_'But…I….he….SHUT UP!' _Erin felt like banging her head against the elevator wall. '_Next thing I know Miranda will have Chakwas checking my mental stability if nonsense like this keeps up._' Shaking her head (temporarily) clear of all thoughts Thane, she slid into her under-armor suit then began strapping on the metal pieces.

When she was done she made her way off the Normandy. Miranda, Thane and Zaeed were waiting for her just outside the airlock and followed her as she began to talk, still walking "Ok, Miranda, you go find your contact and keep me up to date on the time. Krios, Massani, we're going to get the justicar." They all nodded. "When we're done, we're going to help out Miranda so we need to be as quick as we can."

"Something you couldn't take care of by yourself sweetheart?" Erin gave Zaeed an agitated look, she liked the old war horse (or maybe a troll in his case) but Garrus was right about one thing, he could be mouthy. Miranda didn't seem at all off set, likely too focused on her current goal.

"I'll meet you at Eternity, my contact is waiting for me there." With that Miranda walked off in the direction of the club, not even acknowledging Zaeed's comment. The trio set off for the main law station after speaking with migration officer Dara, as Liara had suggested the day before. They took a cab to go meet with district detective Anaya and passed an anxious looking volus as they approached the station, but Erin was too pressed for time to be doing side charity work. He was muttering something about how absurd it was that the local security wasn't letting him, something about a murder and business shipments. She made a mental note to keep an eye out if they found anything to help while on their mission. After speaking with the detective they walked over to the crime scene entrance. The two officers at the door warned them of the Eclipse mercs in the area. Erin readied her M-6 assault rifle.

"Alright boys, I want to get in and out of here as fast as possible. We've got bigger fish to fry than hunting down one asari justicar all day." Thane nodded mutely while grabbing his sniper rifle and checking to make sure the heat syncs were reloaded.

"This might take a bit if we have to fight Eclipse mercs." Zaeed said.

"Just make sure you can keep up Massani." Erin smirked as he laughed. As they rounded the corner, Thane spotted the first merc, aimed and shot the first merc in sight before Erin was even behind cover.

"One falls." was all he said, with a cold look in his eyes, and then took aim for the rest. Erin looked over at Zaeed and he just shook his head in bemusement.

"Well I won't have an assassin showing me up!" and he blasted off a stream of bullets as he pushed forward, cover be damned apparently. They fought their way through the rest of the mercs. Coming up on what Erin hoped to be the last corridor when it opened up to a bridge. It made her feel uneasy to be out in such an open area but there wasn't another way around, not without retracing their steps. And there wasn't enough time for that. Halfway across a gunship flew up from under the bridge. Zaeed dashed into cover easily but Erin was too busy trying to get the particle beam strapped to her back. Thane grabbed her arm and yanked her to the side, putting both of his arms on either side of her to get her out of the path of the streaming shots that the gunship fired where she had been standing not a moment before. The smell of bergamot, leather, and another spice she couldn't name engulfed her as she stared up into his eyes. He was looking to the side, waiting for the gunship to cease firing. If he was aware of how close he was to her, he gave no sign. But that didn't mean Erin was unaware of how his chest was almost flush against her own.

**'****_See?_****' **that small annoying part of her mind gloated and she blinked rapidly trying to control her suddenly racing heart that had nothing to do with how close she'd just come to being shot to death by the gunship. '_Get it together Shepard!_' she chastised herself. Finally the shots came to an end. Thane lowered his arms after a moment's hesitation and stepped back to let her take aim as he and Zaeed sprayed the ship with bullets. The next few minutes were a constant and dangerous dance. Dodge, wait, shoot, take cover again, wait. Each time Erin fired the particle beam she could see more and more of the gunship set ablaze. She rolled out onto the center of the bridge and took aim one last time, shouting "EAT THIS!" this time the gunship began to fish tail and the engine blew. She smirked and turned to smile at Thane, who was standing just to her right, and saw the ship begin to spiral out of control…straight for Thane. She shot into a mad dash to reach him before it crashed on top of him Reaching him just before it passed within inches of his head and sliding them both to the ground and out of the way.

Erin was taking huge heaving breaths, relief washing over her like a wave. She looked over to Thane and he was already standing up and dusting himself off. He held his hand out to help her up, she took it.

"My thanks Shepard." He smiled and the grip he had on her hand seemed to hold a warmth that she couldn't explain. His hand held hers a fraction of a second too long before releasing it. She smiled back and waved her hand to the side in a 'think nothing of it' gesture. Zaeed came walking up beside them.

"If the two of you are going to make it a habit to have to save each other, don't think I'm going to make it a habit to pull you both out when you get in too deep." Erin laughed at his comment, completely aware that it was only a joke. A harsh joke yes, but then again he was a harsh person.

Once they reached the justicar, Erin learned her name was Samara. And she was searching for the name to a ship which someone she was hunting had taken off Illium to escape her. Erin, Thane, and Zaeed went to find the ship name for her. Along the way they found a ship cargo manifest that Erin thought must have something to do with the volus that they saw outside the detectives head quarters and kept it. After Samara returned to the precinct, bound to cooperate with the local authorities for one day, Erin and her squad left to find her information. They fought their way through dozens of mercs, killing one that was hiding in a side room and found out that the crime that the volus was accused of was murder. But the merc they'd found was responsible, not the volus. After finishing off the rest of the mercs, and getting the ship information. They returned to tell Samara, and give detective Anaya her evidence in the volus' case. Erin linked her omni-tool with Miranda's.

"Miranda, we're done here. Update on your sisters situation." Erin always said as little as possible over comm's. She hated talking any other way but face to face, but the way the galaxy was meant it couldn't always be avoided.

"Ori and her family haven't left to move yet. It'll be another few hours, maybe 2 or three. I'll keep you posted." Miranda said, and Erin nodded.

"Ok, Shepard out." Erin closed her omni-tool and turned towards Zaeed and Thane. "Well, we have some time before Miranda needs us, you two go ahead and go tour around a bit. I'm going ahead down to the bar." Zaeed nodded.

"Don't think I'd mind a nice cold beer before we go struttin' into whatever mess little miss tart has waitin' for us." He spoke without any real edge to his words, but still it sounded harsh.

"What exactly is your problem with Miranda, Massani?" She honestly wanted to know.

"I don't trust women who are THAT beautiful, met one too many. Honestly she'd be alright, if she weren't so god'dam perfect." Erin laughed at that. It was true; the woman was damn near perfect. But that wasn't her fault, she didn't ask to be genetically tailored.

"I shall go and see what upgrades are available at the kiosks. I shall join you once I am done." Thane bowed as was his typical farewell then started off in the direction of the main market. Erin watched him walk away and reminded herself that she still wanted to thank him for saving her from that gunship at the bridge. And her thoughts instantly turned to how close they'd gotten when he pulled her out of the line of fire on the bridge. The smell of his skin and coat. His intoxicating presence, surrounding her.

"C'mon Shepard, drinks are on you!" Zaeed batted his hand against her shoulder, snapping her out of her thoughts. She shook her head, chuckling at his joke and her own ridiculousness. Erin and Zaeed sat down at a table and ordered their beers, talking about people they'd known. Old relationships, favorite missions and other things. Zaeed had much more interesting material than she did as far as she was concerned.

"I swear, I've never seen a woman who looked so god'dam sexy holdin' a shotgun. Or one who I trusted less for that matter. Lawson comes close, but I haven't known her as long as I knew that bitch." He laughed and finished off his fifth beer. Erin chuckled and shook her head at how exuberant Zaeed could be, even at his age. Before Zaeed could order another beer, Thane walked up and sat down with them. Apparently empty handed.

"No interesting upgrades?" Erin asked politely, Thane shook his head.

"Yes, a new scope. My current scope has no targeting laser attached, but this does." He pulled the scope out of his pocket, and pulled it from the small paper pouch it was wrapped in. "It should cut down on the weight." Zaeed eyed the part with mild interest and then shook his head.

"Whatever happened to gettin' stronger to carry the best weapon? Used to never matter how heavy it was." He sighed. "Nothin' stays the same." He turned the empty beer bottle over in his hand, seemingly lost in his own thoughts of 'the old days'. Erin held her hand out in silent question to Thane for the scope, He passed it to her and as she turned it over in her hand she realized she recognized it.

"I have this on my Viper rifle, it's a great scope." She smiled and handed it back to Thane, their fingers brushing lightly. Her fingers felt like she'd just brushed lightning. '_Ok, ok, so he's gorgeous. No need to get my panties in a twist just because of that. I've met plenty of handsome men before and never once fell in love with a one of them. It's just aesthetic beauty and attraction. That's all.' _The denial sounded like a lie even as she thought it, but that's what she kept telling herself. What was the alternative? Admit to having feelings for someone she had only just met, barely knew, and who was a completely different species? She was known for walking that line between crazy genius and just plain crazy, but she wasn't sure which side of that line this particular situation fell on. She tried to focus her thoughts as she turned her head to see Miranda walking over to their table.


	3. Errands

CHAPTER 3

Erin, leaned her head one way, then the other, listening to her neck make a satisfying ***_pop_**_* _on both sides. Picking up Samara had been more running around than she'd anticipated, and while she was happy to help, Miranda's request only proved to be more of the same. _Why can't more people be as easy to pick up as Massani was? Just, 'hey, I need you for a mission' and they say 'Mission? Sure, ok, I'll go get my things and report to the ship!' _Not that she didn't understand that there was a balance of give and take to the universe, but she had enough to worry about with the Collectors. She shook her head back and forth, forcing the thought from her mind. She raised one leg up until it was parallel to her waist, and then stretched both her arms out. One in front and one to the side, in the second arabesque position, then easing into croise derriere. She ended in a simple sweeping spin and plie. Then smiled to herself at how she'd memorized all those positions when she was ten years old, but still remembered them like they were yesterday.

She stretched once more before walking over to sit down on a storage crate and laid her back flat against the metal. Her day had gone so fast. Go find Samara, shoot up some mercs. Find ship name, shoot up more mercs. Help Miranda, shoot even more mercs. Monotonous, but fast, and it left her too wound up to relax. But also too stressed out to do her usual exercises, so she'd gone with practicing her ballet. '_One of these days I'm going to be down here and someone is gonna catch me.' _She thought to herself as she sat on the crate letting the metal cool her back. _'Ok, time to do the rounds.'_

Erin took the elevator up to the engineering deck, thinking she'd do her rounds from the bottom up. Luckily she practiced ballet in her black yoga pants and tank top, so she didn't need to change. First for that evening was Grunt, as always he wasn't interested in talking. She skipped Zaeed, trying to get done with her rounds for the evening quickly. Next were Tali, Gabby and Keith. While Tali was too busy working, Keith said that they'd appreciate a converter coupling for the engines. Erin made a note to look for one the next time they went to Omega. She avoided Jack because she didn't seem in as sociable a mood unless they were on their way to Pragia. And as far as Erin was concerned, _she could wait_ to blow up an _abandoned building, _it wasn't as though it was going anywhere. She continued checking in on the rest of the crew, Miranda thanked her again for her help with Orianna. Garrus was still busy with calibrations; she couldn't help but laugh at that and Dr. Chakwas apparently was regretting never opening a bottle of brandy she had on the Normandy SR1 '_Heck, that's the easiest request I've heard all day.'_ Erin thought. Next was Thane, she left the medical bay as quickly as she could without running. '_Get it under control Shepard, he's just a man.'_

_'__**A very handsome man.**__'_

_'Ok, yes, a very handsome man. But he's still a drell.'_

_'__**With skin that beautiful shade of green, and red, and those eyes.**__'_

_'YES WITH BEAUTIFUL SKIN AND EYES, JUST SHUT UP!' _Erin found it near impossible to escape her own thoughts. '_I'm arguing with myself, how sad is that?'_ was the last thought she had before the door to life support hissed open. He was sitting in the chair again, staring at the drive core.

"Do you need something?" He asked without turning, and she swallowed trying to control her breathing.

"Have a few minutes to talk?"

"Certainly." He turned his head to glance at her, the rested his hands on the table in front of him.

"I've met a fair amount of assassins, you're not like any one of them. If you don't mind my saying." She walked over to the window that opened out to the drive core.

"You've spent too much time fighting thugs who think custom painted armor makes them professionals. The hanar trained my body for this role since I was six years old." Erin's eyes flew open wide at that, and she turned to look at him in utter disbelief.

"You've been killing since you were six?" She didn't even try to hide the shock in her voice.

"Of course not. I didn't make my first kill until I was twelve." She turned back toward the window and thought '_Oh yes, of course. Six is too young, twelve is better. What was I thinking?' _she kept her comments to herself though. "They were training me, I was an investment, not to be used and thrown away." That flared her temper; she knew more than most how important it should be to have a normal childhood. To worry about skinned knees, cooties, and what to have for snack time. Not training to kill.

"You were a child, not an investment!" His expression eased into something like appeasement.

"I've given you the wrong impression, they valued me. Yes as a resource. But also as a person they…" And he looked up and into Erin's eyes, seeing her fierce defense for him as a child, it caused him to pause and choose his words carefully. "Regretted, their need for me."

"I find it hard to believe that the hanar train assassins." That was putting it mildly in her opinion.

"Every species trains assassins, the hanar are only unusual in that need other species to do the killing for them. They have a strong grip and natural toxins, but have you ever seen one move quickly outside of water? Or fire a gun? " He made a good point, but starting that young for a life of violence just wasn't something that should happen to anyone in her opinion.

"Why did your parents agree to this?"

"The agreement was made under the compact. Most drell owe our lives to the hanar because they rescued us from extinction, we've live on the hanar home world ever since and we owe them our lives. That is the compact." Apparently she'd been asking so many questions he wanted to beat her to the punch. So rather than insult either him, or the hanar, she continued.

"But you don't work for the hanar anymore, you're freelance. What changed?"

"I was asleep for a long time yes. I paid no attention to what my body was asked to do but then-" his eyes widened and his body jerked slightly, stiffening. "Laser dot trembles on the skull. One finger twitch, he dies. Then, the smell of spice on the spring wind, sunset colored eyes defiant in the scope. The laser dances away." He bowed his head, trying to make an effort to refocus it seemed. "My apologies, drell slip into memory so easily." Erin nodded.

"Was that one of your assassinations?" He folded his hands again, looking more uncomfortable.

"Uh….y-yes…perhaps we can discuss it later? I've taken too much of your time."

"Alright, I should get back to my rounds anyway." Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, but she did need to finish checking on the rest of the crew.

* * *

She finished checking in with each crew mate. Jacob apparently wanted to go hunt down a lead he got from an anonymous tip about his father. She didn't like the man, but it was his family. Erin couldn't and wouldn't say no to that.

Erin had Joker plot a course for the crash site that Jacobs father was supposed to be at. Once they found the first survivor she told them about the 'out-casts', and the food. After a short fight with a few of the 'out-casts', she took them to a small settlement just up the hill. She looked around and noticed it was only women in the camp. '_The outcasts seem to just be men_' Erin thought. They found a doctor there, well someone who had been a doctor, and she gave them the mission logs by the Acting Captain and Co-Captain. Reading over all the information, the frown on Jacob's face grew deeper. "My Father wouldn't do anything like this, there must be some mis-" He stopped mid sentence as he came across what looked like a list to organize all the women and manage which officers they were 'assigned to'.

"Is this kind of thing normal for humans Shepard?" Garrus asked, Erin wasn't good at reading turian expressions but she thought maybe he looked shocked and appalled. Like her and Jacob.

"My God, they were running a harem!" Erin half whispered in disbelief. She couldn't imagine anyone in the Alliance falling so far, even after ten years. They continued up the hill. Fighting wave after wave of mechs and after one huge fire fight with a YMIR mech, they finally reached Ronald Taylor.

"You're here! I knew a real squad would blow through no problem! If the mechs scuffed your pads I'll get you something nice when we get back to Alliance space, I'm bound to have some back pay coming." Jacob seemed to have plastered a permanent sneer on his face, unhappy with all of the information they'd found out trying to reach the Acting Captain.

"What about your crew _acting captain_?" Jacob said, Erin wondered if Ronald recognized his own son, they even sounded alike.

"Total loss. Once they ate the toxic food they turned wild and propped me up here like some kind of ritual. Waiting for a chance to signal has been hell." Jacob shook his head, not buying the lie for a second.

"Is that the best you can do?" He said, and the acting captain looked over at him in confused agitation.

"You let all your people talk back like that? Who are you anyway?" Erin turned from the view of the small deck they were on, facing Ronald Taylor.

"Commander Shepard of the Normandy. I'm surprised you don't recognized Mr. Taylor." She waved her hand in Jacob's direction.

"Jacob! No! Not Jacob…" He shook his head, and cast his eyes on the ground.

"Why not me? Would ten years of this look better to anyone else?!" Jacob was half shouting by this time.

"The realities of command change you! I wasn't ready for that! I did try to make sure you were taught right, I'd hoped to leave it that way."

"God damnit! Why did you do this to your crew?!" Erin looked over towards the entrance of the dock-like area and saw a few of the deranged men, affected by the toxins, walking in. She nodded her head in their direction after looking pointedly at Garrus, he nodded an affirmative and readied his M-92 Mantis.

"We can help these people Jacob, Cerberus can have ships here in a few days." Erin said. But Jacob pulled his pistol out and pointed it at his father.

"He's not worth the fuel it'd take to haul him out, or the air he's breathing! He's damn lucky I don't think he's worth pulling the trigger!" Erin, put her hand over his lowering his weapon slowly.

"And he'll have a long time to think about it in prison." Jacob glanced at her then back to his father and nodded before he turned to walk back to the Normandy.

"I'm sorry Jacob, I did the best I could." But he was already halfway down the hill, and he either didn't hear or didn't care enough to respond.

* * *

Once they were back on the Normandy, Kelly informed her that the Illusive Man was in the debriefing room on vid-comm. Jacob walked with her to take the call, and she felt her heart open up a little more to him. Maybe he wasn't the easiest person to be around, and he was way too vocal in his open suspicions, but he was a good man. '_Damn, that means I can't kick him off the team.' _She shook her head clear of the thought, and steeled herself for dealing with the Illusive Man. He yammered on in his usual unhurried manner, smoking his cigarette and giving Erin fits for one. '_Damn you, do you always have to be smoking when you talk to me? I get enough nicotine fits as it is.'_ She'd walked in late and Jacob was already speaking with the Illusive Man.

"So you had no idea about what was going on?"

"Jacob, if I had known about the Hugo Gernsback and what happened I would be smiling at your resolution of the situation. I am not smiling."

"Uh-huh, sure." Needless to elaborate, Jacob was less than convinced. Not that she felt a particular need to squeeze the truth out for Jacobs sake, but she did want the truth.

"If it wasn't you that sent Jacob the tip, then who did?" That was when Miranda walked in.

"I did." She was looking at Jacob, apparently addressing only him.

"And you did this out of the goodness of your heart?" Erin didn't ask to sound cruel, but it wasn't in Miranda's character to just do something for someone else if it didn't benefit her.

"One of my sources sent me the information. It felt like…keeping an old promise." Jacob nodded slightly, but Erin was only even more confused.

"We'll talk about your treatment of the chain of command in private Miranda. For now, Shepard, Jacob." They were dismissed evidently. '_One of these days I'm going to enjoy crushing that mans spine.' _Erin thought as she walked out. Disingenuous as the thought was, she couldn't help herself, the man was so…so…irritating. Miranda left as quickly as she could, embarrassed by all appearances, but before Erin walked out of the conference room she stopped Jacob.

"Are you ok with this?" She'd never seen Jacob and Miranda interact much besides that shuttle ride as they left the Cerberus station she was rebuilt at. But she didn't get the feeling the two of them got along perfectly, cordially maybe if anything.

"Yeah, Miranda has a good memory. Selective, but good." He nodded, and she could tell there were other things on his mind.

"Something there I'm missing?" Jacob sighed and ran his hands along the sides of his hips, a little uncomfortable, but not so much that it stopped him from answering her.

"She and I had something a while back, didn't work out. She…requires a better man than I." Erin could see the lines of regret etched around his eyes as he spoke, and she just nodded in response. He left without another word, having gotten her answers she let him go. '_So…Jacob and Miranda?' _she mulled the picture over in her head for a second, and thought of the differences between the two. '_Maybe a different man. Not better, but different.'_ Miranda didn't strike her as the type to tolerate Jacob's hypocrisy, and Jacob was a little too self-righteous to stomach Miranda's 'matter-of-fact no matter how harsh' manner.

Erin chuckled a little at the thought of the two of them and what must have broken them up, no doubt something that any open minded couple could easily have resolved. But for two polar opposites like Miranda and Jacob, it wasn't a stretch in her mind that something small could've broken them up. She took the elevator back to her cabin to check and make sure that no more dossiers where waiting on her desk. As she entered her room and sat down at her desk she caught the picture of Kaidan someone had set there. Unable to find more paperwork for the moment, she turned towards the picture and studied it passively.

Kaidan had been an attempt at normalcy. He was sweet, lamely funny, and sort of thoughtful. But the one thing Erin remembered more than anything was how boring he was, which is why she'd flirted with him in the first place. All her life had been far too interesting, she'd wanted some semblance of a normal life. But Kaidan was too boring, and she couldn't force herself to it. She'd tried, she really did, but there was no spark, Kaidan had apparently missed that. Given the way he relentlessly pursued conversation, and that night before Illos when he just showed up at her room. She'd tried to let him down gently and let him know that she wasn't looking for anything serious, not with him anyway but she didn't want to crush him like that. But he was relentless. And in the end she'd relented and let him bunk in her room for the night, he'd acted so in love. Erin was so sick with herself that she let it happen, she'd gotten dressed before he was even awake. Even so, he should have known her better, and damn well shouldn't have been able to say the things he'd said to her on Horizon.

Erin shook her head, determined to distract herself, she shoved away from her desk roughly and turned to leave her cabin. Before she could walk out the door Yeoman Chambers called over her room comm.

"Commander, Grunt is causing quite a stir in the port cargo bay. Could you please go see what's causing him to be so restless? He's making the crew nervous." Erin rolled her eyes, she liked Grunt he reminded her of Wrex. Not that he had grand plans for his people, just in that he had the same tendency to jump in and fight before really looking. But Grunt dove in out of pure instinct. Wrex had always dived in out of the same instinct but made macabre and hilarious comments as he went. Wrex's was the behavior of an older krogan, a more mature krogan, she had to remind herself how young Grunt really was.

"I'll go check it out, Thanks Chambers." When she saw Grunt, he was pacing the cargo bay. Confused, angry, and violent. He talked about wanting to kill, about seeing everything through a haze of red. It was enough to make Erin worried and more than a little uneasy.

"Ok Grunt, just take it easy. We'll head to Tuchanka and see what's wrong." He nodded.

"Thank you Shepard. I do not like this, rage is my choice, not my sickness."

As she selected the CIC deck on the elevator, Mordin caught her on her way up, stopping to let him on.

"Shepard, good. Wanted to speak. Know you're busy. Have to deal with the Collectors. Planning attack. Too important to wait. Just received data, still processing, analyzing likely scenarios. Not sure how to begin. Too much intel! You remember our talk? My work on genophage modification?"

"Of course Mordin, what's got you so wound up?"

"Blood pack mercenaries captured former team member Maelon. Last seen on Tuchanka. Might torture him. Make an example." His voice shook slightly as he spoke, letting Erin know just how badly he wanted to help Maelon. "Recovering Maelon would be a personal favor to me." Erin nodded.

"We'll go to Tuchanka and see if we can find Maelon, not to sound cold but we needed to go there anyway. Grunts tearing up the cargo deck and I have a friend there who can probably tell us what's wrong with him."

"Already headed for Tuchanka? Good. Was worried it would be a burden. Appreciate it. My assistant, my student. Want to see him safe. Maelon last seen outside Urdnot territory. Scouts might have seen blood pack. Talk to them or clan chief." And with that Mordin's head dropped back down to his work, with lines of worry engraved on his face.

* * *

As they docked on Tuchanka, Erin had Mordin and Grunt meet her at the airlock.

"Mordin, I know you're worried about your team member but we need Grunt focused before we can do anything else. We'll work just as fast as we can, and figure out how to help Grunt. But I need you to be a little patient a little longer." She spoke as gently as she could, but the simple fact was, they weren't gonna find anyone with Grunt going stir crazy for no apparent reason.

"Understand Shepard. Help Grunt focus. No use if uncontrolled." He understood, but she could tell he was still anxious to find his old student.

As they walked past the Urdnot guards and towards the clan chief Erin noticed it was Wrex sitting in the chiefs chair. She smirked as she thought just how he'd been doing with leadership. He always was a wise old krogan, and a killer soldier to boot, she could only imagine what he was doing with power. At first the guards wouldn't let her pass.

"The clan chief is in…talks. You must wait until he calls on you." She looked guard up and down, heavily considering for a moment crushing her head into his own skull just to prove a point. But Wrex beat her to it.

"Shepard!" He seemed excited to see her.

"Does that count?" she rather arrogantly said as she walked past the annoying krogan and towards her old friend.

"Shepard, my friend!" Wrex pushed out of his chair and past the guards, slapping Erin on the shoulder and laughing exuberantly. For Wrex, anyway. "You look well for dead, Shepard. Should have known the void couldn't hold you." Erin smiled at her old comrade.

"Wrex, looks like you've done well for yourself." She motioned towards the thrown he'd been so morosely sitting in not a moment before.

"Not for me Shepard, for all krogan. Clan Urdnot is just the start. When I'm done we will be one people again." The krogan that Wrex had been speaking to came up beside him to interject his opinion.

"You abandoned many traditions to get your way. Dangerous." Erin looked him up and down, doing everything she could not to laugh. It was hard for her to take anyone seriously when they had purple teeth. Wrex turned around slowly, then rushed forward in one step and rammed his head into 'Mr. Purple Teeth's' head.

"Speak when spoken to Uvenk. I'll drag your clan to glory whether it likes it or not." That apparently was his final word, as he walked back over to his thrown and sat. Addressing Erin once more. "Now, Shepard. What brings you here? How's the Normandy?"

"In little pieces on some frozen forsaken hunk of rock, I ended up spaced."

"Well, you look good. Ah the benefits of a redundant nervous system!" Erin chuckled at his misinterpretation at her 'survival'.

"Yeah, humans don't have that." She smiled

"Oh, it must have been painful then. But here you're standing and you have a strong new ship. Takes me back to the old days, us against the unknown. Killing it with big guns. Good times." Wrex nodded, reminiscing to himself.

"I have a krogan on my crew, he's sick and needs treatment." Wrex looked behind her to Grunt, the permanent frown on his face became a little more defined.

"Where are you from whelp? Was your clan destroyed before you could learn what is expected of you?" Grunt stepped forward to address Wrex properly, while the krogan named Uvenk began walking around him as he spoke.

"I have no clan, I was tank breed by Warlord Okeer. My line is distilled from Kedak, Moro, Shiagur-"

"Okeer is a very old name, a very hated name. But since you're with Shepard I'm assuming he's dead." He turned and looked at Erin. "There is nothing wrong with the whelp, he is becoming a full adult." Mordin piped up with two cents.

"Ah! Puberty ritual! Common among species with hormone-driven reproductive urges." Wrex waved his hand forward in a dismissive gesture.

"I don't care what aliens call it, Krogan undergo the Rite of Passage. So, Grunt? Do you wish to stand with Urdnot?" Grunt looked to Erin and she shook her head. Uvenk stormed off in a huff without a word, to where, was uncertain.

"This is your decision Grunt, I'm not going to tell you what to do." He turned to take a long look at the war torn land before him, the rubble and destruction, then turned back.

"It is in my blood, it is what I am for." Wrex smiled, kind of, approvingly.

"Good boy, speak with the shaman on the second level. Give him a good show and he'll set you on the path. You too Shepard," he glanced in her direction "how many times have you stepped in a mess for your crew, hmm?" Erin laughed.

"More times than I can count, one more thing, have you heard of a salarian scientist around here recently? I have sources that say he's being held by the Blood Pack."

"The Blood Pack? Then clan Weyrlock has him. Speak with my scout commander, he can give you a convoy to use and show you how to get where you need to go. No offense Shepard, but I have other things I need to deal with now, watch yourself. Tuchanka isn't safe and homey like Feros and Illos."

Erin, Grunt, and Mordin all walked over to where the shaman was. After speaking with him and learning just what they had to do to get Grunt the Rite, they left on the truck for the sight. The trio stepped off of the truck and passed through the grand entrance to the arena. The shaman's voice boomed over loud speakers announcing that the keystone had to be pressed for the Rite to start. They fought wave after wave of varren for starters, but it was like shooting fish in a barrel. They kept coming from the same place. After the three waves were done it became quiet once more.

"We must press the keystone to continue the Rite." Grunt concluded and Erin nodded, it made sense. The point was to survive, not die. So if a few extra moments between waves of enemies in order to patch up any and all wounds was the difference between dying and surviving, then they'd put in the keystone to make sure no one had to work off a timer. The second onslaught of waves were klixen, Erin hated them, they reminded her of giant dung beetles. A few cryo rounds in each and she happily fired off her shotgun, shattering them. Once it was quiet again, Erin went to press the keystone for the final wave. The shaman spoke over the speakers again, Erin wasn't really listening but she did hear something about 'the only goal is survival', which meant that whatever they were going to face wasn't killed often. '_Well, it couldn't all be easy._' And the ground shook violently. "You feel that? I am ready!" Grunt really seemed to be enjoying himself. Just as she dove behind cover, she spotted a thresher maw tongue just waving around out of the ground.

"Hey Grunt, look! There is something on Tuchanka that's blue besides your eyes!" Grunt laughed and fired off his assault rifle, making the tongue retreat back into the ground. Again with the grueling games. Fire, take cover, wait. Fire, take cover, wait. Only this time Erin was getting pissed off, she was tired of it. She charged up her fortification and grabbed the particle beam from her back. Anchoring her elbow on a fallen concrete beam, she fired it straight for the maw's weak spot. It's tongue. After a moment it let out a screeching wail, and sunk dead to the ground. After a ridiculous fight with that Uvenk moron, the group was on their way to look for Maelon.

"You ready Mordin?"

"Yes, Shepard. Must help Maelon."


	4. Fighting Tears

**Hey guys, sorry for the long update time. Kids keep you pretty busy. Anyway, here's the next chapter.**  
**I'm still working sans-beta so again, if you see any errors feel free to speak up. And please review the story!  
I can't improve without feedback!**

CHAPTER 4

Erin stumbled into her quarters, falling face first on the bed. Helping Mordin rescue his student, only to find that Maelon was there willingly, was aggravating. She was happy to help Mordin find some piece of mind, but the only thing that saved it from being a total waste of time was getting what data Maelon had for his cure to the genophage. Even if his methods to get it were barbaric. And with the Collectors abducting humans every day, she didn't have time to waste. She rolled over onto her back, curling till she heard her back crack and felt the tension release. "EDI." Erin called, trying to get 'her' attention.

"Yes Shepard?"

"Tell Joker to plot a course for the Citadel, we need to grab supplies."

"Of course Commander. Is there anything else?"

"Yeah, about how long before we get there?"

"A few hours, Commander." Erin nodded, '_Some time to burn then. Fantastic.' _

"Thanks EDI, that's all."

"Logging you out Shepard" She sat and looked up at the port hole above her bed, the deep black of space and the blue emissions of mass effect energy as the ship flew reminded her of Thane. Of how his biotics glowed against the coal black of his eyes. '_I'm not going down to talk to him…I'm too tired to make rounds right this second._'

'**_Well, it's not technically rounds if you just go to see him._**' The small, annoying and always right part of her brain noted.

'_I don't want to neglect the rest of the crew or make it look like I'm giving him special treatment.'_

_'__**Oh so what if you give him special treatment. After the way Kaidan acted, everyone ought to leave you the hell alone if you look for some comfort.**__' _She cringed at that thought. Was that all she wanted from him? She refused to believe that of herself, but now the thought was there. Dangling in her mind, damn Kaidan for taking away her joy of talking to Thane! Wanting to do something to either relieve her anger or take her mind off of it, she called EDI.

"EDI?"

"Yes Commander?"

"Clear the shuttle bay, I'd like to have it for…just…some time to myself."

"Of course Shepard, anything else Commander?"

"Nothing right now."

"Logging you out."

Erin gathered up her wireless ear-buds, and her music chits with all her old music. Her father had been a huge fan of some music of his great-grandmothers, back from the early 2000's. It was over a hundred years old, and out of fashion. But she had kept some of it and had a particular track in mind to dance to, to work out her aggression.

* * *

Once she was down in the shuttle bay, she checked out all the little corners to make sure no one was still there. Satisfied that it was in fact empty, she found a place on the far side of the bay behind some crates to dance. Where anyone who looked through the window on the engineering deck couldn't see her. She put in her ear-buds and selected '**Ignorance: by Paramour**' from…'_Good lord' _she thought '_2009, jeez, I didn't realize it was that old.'_ She shook her head _'Whatever, it's still a good song.'_ As the ragged guitar began its rhythm she squared her shoulders, clicking up the volume till the music was blaring in her ears. As the girl on the track began to sing, Erin moved.

**If I'm a bad person, you don't like me**

Her arms swept from her sides, up and then in front of her as if she'd pushed off of a wall. '_Just who the hell did he think he was talking to me like that?'_

**Well, I guess I'll make my own way  
It's a circle I mean cycle **

Erin swept herself into a tight spin, and then dropped. Bracing her hands on the ground, with one knee tucked under her.

**I can't excited you anymore**

'_That part ought to say __you can't excite me anymore_.' She thought as she shoved, making herself slide across the floor.

**Where's your gavel? Your jury?  
What's my offense this time?  
You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me  
Well sentence me to another life**

She stopped herself short of crashing into the wall, and jumped up sweeping her leg in front of and over her head. Using the force to bring the rest of her lower half with it in a standing flip. '_Bastard.' _She thought.

**Don't wanna hear you're sad songs,  
I don't wanna feel your pain,  
When you swear it's all my fault  
Cause you know we're not the same**

She sang with the chorus in her head on this part '_No! We're not the same! No! We're not the same!' _Determined to just tune out and dance all her aggression away, she resolved to not think. To just dance, and listen. And ran straight for the wall, running up the side and flipping off of it.

**Yeah, I've got friends who stick together  
We wrote our names in blood  
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good  
It's good…it's good**

She dropped once more and writhed her head down to the ground. Snaking it back up before she hit the ground, turning on her knees and repeating the move to the beat. Rolling her back and hips, then jumping to her feet again.

**Well you treat me just like, another stranger  
Well it's nice to meet you, sir  
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out**

As the verse played and repeated she brought her hands in front of her clasping the fingers and thrusting her hands against her chest like she were holding a knife. As she brought her hands to her chest she pulled them apart and bowed low in a mock show of respect.

**Ignorance is your new best friend  
Ignorance is your new best friend**

She continued to dance to the beat of the music, at some point she closed her eyes and with the music up so loud she didn't notice that Thane had come into the bay. She was using the crates as props n her dance now, climbing up the sides and grinding against them as she climbed, as if someone had her cornered and she was trying to escape.

He watched as she moved among the crates. How fluidly she transitioned from one move to the other. He could hear the music she was listening to from where he stood. He got the impression that she was upset about something but he couldn't think what. All he could think was how beautiful she looked, moving gracefully to the sound of the music playing in her ears. When it was over and she pulled the small speakers from her ears, she threw them angrily across the small space.

"Are you alright Shepard?" He asked. At the sound of his voice she jumped half out of her skin. _'He has GOT to stop DOING THAT.' _She thought.

"Jeez…Thane…when did you get here?" then a worried expression crossed her face "How long have you been watching?" Completely oblivious to the fact that she didn't want the crew to know she could dance, he just tilted his head to the side.

"Just for a few moments. You move very gracefully." His eyes drooped half closed as he spoke, the sight had her already drumming heart doing double time again. She felt light headed from the effect, so she plopped onto a near-by crate to keep from passing out.

"Well…thank you but…I don't normally let people see me dance. In fact the whole crew doesn't know I dance. I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself." She didn't really mind that he'd watched, but she still didn't want the crew to know. "What are you doing down here anyway?"

"Looking for you." Was his simple response.

"Oh, ok, something you need to talk about?" He nodded.

"Yes, now that I'm here though it seems…difficult to talk about." He folded his hands behind his back and began to pace.

"Are you sick? I could get the doctor." The thought of him being in any extra pain or danger had her suddenly feeling sick with worry.

"No, no. Though I suppose that is a part of it. My mortality has me…dwelling on things." He went on to tell her about a family he'd once had, and a son he still had. Kolyat. He recounted a memory about 'dancing crazy' with his son when he was still very young.

"What happened to them?" Thane didn't strike her as the type to just walk out on his family. He didn't mention what happened to the boy's mother in particular, but she wasn't going to pry.

"I abandoned them." That shocked her. "Not all at once. No sneaking out in the middle of the night. No final argument, or slammed door. I just…did my job." That made more sense, she nodded in both sympathy and understanding. "I hunted and killed across the galaxy. Away on business my wife told people. I was always…away on business." Erin's heart sank, so the 'sunset colored eyes' were of a woman. His wife, she could feel herself drawing slightly away. The small hope she hadn't been aware she was clinging to faded, but it still held on.

"You hadn't mentioned this before, why now?"

"When my wife departed from her body I…attended…to that issue. I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I have not seen or talked to him since." '_That doesn't sound like a decision any father would make.'_ Erin thought to herself. '_Parents should always be with their kids.'_

"You don't strike me as someone who wouldn't want to raise your son yourself." She didn't want to sound accusatory or judgmental, but this was one area where she couldn't use the tact she normally did.

"My body is blessed with the skills to take life, the hanar honed them in me. I have few others. I didn't want that life for Kolyat. I hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me so be it." He spoke with such resolution, but she could see the despair in his eyes. He went on, further explaining what happened with Kolyat, how he'd become 'disconnected'. And telling her that he'd taken a job as a hitman. Erin shook her head.

"You don't hire a raw rookie for a contract killing."

"I'm afraid someone may have seen we share a name, and assumed we share skills. I don't know why he would accept the task." Not for the first time Erin spoke before thinking.

"To be closer to you maybe, he might have name dropped you."

"That thought haunts me more than any other, but it still doesn't seem right. My name…he should not respect it."

'_Every kid respects their parents, they may not like them or be happy with them. But it's always first instinct to respect your parents.' _She thought to herself, '_or maybe that's just me…'_

"We'll head for the Citadel as soon as possible."

"Thank you Shepard, I appreciate these chats we have." Erin smiled sweetly, the expression felt alien on her face.

"You've spent a lot of your life alone Thane." he huffed out a laugh, it was, but then wasn't quite, a bitter sound.

"Work fulfilled me...reading. I barely spoke to anyone outside my family. I'm not certain my son will even mourn me when I die, even so...this is not a path he should walk."

She asked why Kolyat might have gone to the Citadel, apparently he'd made a package containing 'a relic' of his life. Which somehow Kolyat had gotten early.

"Thane, I have to ask, I don't have your skills or your contacts. Why do you need my help?"

"I don't need your help, I want it. I haven't seen or spoken to my son in so long, and you're the only friend I've made in ten years." Erin smiled a little at that.

"Friend huh? Well, it's a start." Thane had begun to turn away, then turned back, stopping mid step.

"A start? That is..." he chuckled "intriguing. I shall meditate until you need me." He nodded and smiled at her before he left. Erin felt like her legs were jello beneath her.

'_Reapers, geth, husks, even charging krogan and of all the enemies I've ever faced, one kind assassin has me shaking at the knees.' she laughed at herself, then sighed 'and he's still mourning his wife's death..._' suddenly she felt wrong for talking to him so much, for feeling what she felt. No longer denying or ignoring it. '_I don't want to replace his wife...no one should, or try to..._' she made a resolved promise to herself that she would remain a friend to him. And for the first time in years...the first time since her parents died, where no one could see, she let go. And her silent tears spattered the metal floor of the hangar.

* * *

Erin, Thane and Garrus walked down the hall through C-Sec processing. Before they'd docked Garrus had stopped Erin on her way from checking in with Dr. Chakwas about her scars. He'd told her one of his sources found who'd helped Sadonis disappear and needed to get to the Citadel.

_"I can't let him slip away Shepard! Not again, he's going to pay!" Erin watched as he clenched his hands, heard the venom in his voice as he spoke. Garrus had always hated injustice, but this just wasn't like him, this wasn't her best friend._

_"Ok, Garrus, just take it easy. We'll go to the Citadel and find this 'Fade' guy. I promise." _

Now they were there, she was grateful she agreed to handle Garrus's problem first. He'd already set up a meeting and trying to change meetings like this were tantamount to C-Sec investigations. So rescheduling wasn't an option. It just meant that as usual, they would be in a rush. As they walked over to Bailey she asked for help on who to speak to find Thane's son. He'd informed them that to find out who hired Kolyat they should speak to 'Mouse'. '_I'll have to remember to get a copy of that Shepard VI, could be funny._' She thought as they walked into the factory, as she did a volus walked out from behind some crates with two krogans following close. A small conversation with the little faker proved that he wasn't Fade, just a front man. And they'd had to shoot down his guards to get him to talk. But when he did he admitted that he wasn't 'Fade', even told them who was. Harkin, that pain in the ass drunk was now a full on criminal. '_Why am I not surprised?'_ Having to hunt him down in the factory district was about as irritating as Erin could handle, she'd had enough of fighting mercs. They came to what had to be the final fight before they reached Harkin.

"So Harkin's finally gone completely bad."

"He was always a pain in the ass, but I'm in no mood for his games. If he doesn't cooperate, I'll beat him within an inch of his life." Erin looked over at Garrus, concern for her friend weighing heavy on her. He was really starting to worry her, this malice was eating him alive and he couldn't see it. So often now she found herself remembering conversations with Saren while she was talking to Garrus.

"You ok Garrus? You seem a little…tense."

"Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why we're here and I don't want him tipping Sidonis off. Erin nodded and looked through the glass of the small room they were in. Something caught her eye just out of her line of sight, and ducked down as fast as it had come up. She dropped to cover as did Garrus.

"Did you see that?" Garrus sounded like he wanted to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"I saw _something_." She just wasn't sure what.

"He's getting ready for us."

"He's obviously not wanting to cooperate right out the gate." He kept talking like Wrex used to 'shoot first, ask questions later'. 'The life of a criminal is expendable, and sometimes even the cost of peace.' It just…wasn't him. "You still planning to kill Sidonis when you find him?"

"That's the plan. It'll be quick and painless, unlike everyone he betrayed. He'll be spared the agony of a slow death, it's more than he deserves but as long as he's dead. I'll be satisfied."

"I know you want to do right by your men, but do you really want to kill him?"

"I thought you'd agree Shepard, you helped me kill 'Dr. Hart'. This is no different."

"It's loads different Garrus, Sidonis cost good men their lives yes but, he's not torturing innocent people for money." She didn't understand how he couldn't see that difference.

"Fine, I guess I can't expect you to understand, just don't get in my way." That was probably the one thing, of anything else he could have said, that pissed her off the most. She grabbed the front of his armor and slammed him against the wall, digging her heels in.

"I don't understand?! You think I don't understand?! How the hell do you think I got forced into the decision to leave my entire squad on Torfan and watch it burn? One of my men got selfish and wanted to play the hot shot! Everyone else was so busy trying to pull his ass out of there I had no other choice, I couldn't get them to pull back because they wouldn't leave him! Killing people or letting them die is fine so long as there are no other options, you have options! Options I didn't have on Torfan! So don't you tell me I don't understand Vakarian, don't you dare!" she shoved him hard and backed off, turning to walk through the door. They discovered it was a horde of blue suns and repurposed assistance mechs between them and Harkin. After all the smaller mechs and blue suns were dealt with, two heavy mechs walked out. Send out mechs to deal with her and Garrus when his mercs failed? Just damned insulting.

They stormed up the landings that lead to Harkins little keep, after destroying the heavy mechs. Erin had to stop Garrus several times from how harsh he'd been with Harkin. She had no sympathy for Harkin, but she was still worried about Garrus. Finally he set up a meeting with Sidonis and took a transit to the meeting.

"Harkin's a bloody menace, we shouldn't have just let him go. He deserved to be punished." A cold fire shone in Garrus's eyes.

"I'm a little worried about you Garrus, our first mission together at the first opportunity to shoot first and ask questions later you were the one who stopped Wrex. Now you're so quick to delve out death and judgment, and you were pretty hard on Harkin."

"You don't think he deserved it?" He eyed her with a hard stare.

"It's just not like you." She said as she looked out the window.

"What do you want from me Shepard? I'm not you."

"This isn't you either." She knew it wasn't, he was a merciful guy. Honest, merciful, never ruthless. He was better than that…better than her…

"Isn't it?" he scoffed "I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this? Why should he go on living when ten good men lie in unmarked graves? I'm sorry Shepard, words aren't going to solve this problem. I need to set up." He looked around for a spot to wait at.

* * *

Erin was glad when they finished the whole business with Sidonis, and even more glad that Garrus had decided to let him go. She knew the kind of guilt you carried with you after innocent blood was on your hands. Maybe Sidonis wasn't innocent, but he wasn't Garrus's life to take. She didn't want him to have to live with that. And so with that out of the way that just left Thane.

First they found and talked to Mouse. She laughed at what Bailey had said.

"_He was selling a VI of you. When you deleted a file it said 'I delete data like you on the way to real errors'." Garrus had decided to get funny then._

_"That's pretty extreme Commander." She could hear the grin in his voice._

She shook her head now '_Look who was talkin'_ it seemed a bit hypocritical, but either way Garrus had chosen to do the right thing.

"You Mouse?"

"What're you – Oh shit! Krios! I thought you retired!" He looked at Erin "Commander Shepard? I thought you died! What do you want with me?" Thane walked up to him and patted his shoulder.

"Be still Mouse, you can change your pants in a moment." It took every muscle in her face and clenching her teeth together for Erin not to laugh at that. They kept talking to the former duct rat, learning that Elias Kelham had hired Kolyat. As reluctant as he was, Erin was still persuasive.

"One other thing, that Shepard VI you were selling?" She tilted her head to one side, and he looked like a kid caught with his hand in a piggy bank again.

"Oh shit! You heard-! Look you were dead! It was perfectly legal to make a VI of you!" She smirked at how quick he was to explain that she hadn't actually caught him breaking a law.

"Give me a copy and we'll call it even." Mouse seemed happy enough to part on those terms, happily handing the VI copy over. After a final plea that Thane not bring the family the next time he was in town, he left. Erin, Thane and Garrus went back to Bailey to ask for his help with Kelham. After what she guessed was an 'awkward' situation Bailey got Kelham into an interrogation room.

Thane stood outside the room and turned to face Erin. "We should question him together, keep the pressure on. Thoughts on how we approach it?"

"You be good cop, I don't have much patience for little twerps like this guy."

"Very well, I'll pretend to be on his side. We need to be quick though, we haven't much time." The doors to the private room opened and as they walked in, each of them folded their hands behind their backs.

"Who the hell are you two?" This Kelham was already pissing her off. She turned her head to look Thane, he did in turn, and they split to walk in different directions.

"My name's Shepard, I'm a spectre."

"Prove it." Was all he said, that point was easy enough to prove. She pulled out her pistol and rested the end of the barrel against his temple.

"I don't have to prove anything, specters are above the law. We clear?" He blinked at her gun, and she could a light sheen of sweat break out above his brow.

"Crystal." '_So he does have some sense.'_

"Good. Now, fortunately I'm not after you. You contracted an assassin. Who's the target?" She was prepping another way to convince him without having to either shoot or punch the man when he spoke.

"Joram Talid, a turian. He's running for office. He lives in the 800 blocks." Erin holstered her weapon while she and Thane made their way to the door.

"Thanks, you won't see us again. No offense, but you're a problem below my pay grade." And she was glad of it. Thane looked over at her appreciatively as they walked out.

"That may go down in history as the shortest interrogation ever." Erin smiled, and they made their way to a transit for the 800 blocks.

Before she began to search for Talid she heard Thane saying a prayer

"Amonkira, Lord of hunters. Grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true and my feet swift. And should the worst come to pass…grant me forgiveness." She turned around to look at him, only to see he'd already disappeared. Finding Talid was easy enough. Following him was mundane and mind melting. She witnessed his body guard shaking down human businesses, like some common thug. Leaders running for office were supposed to be better than that. Anti-human or not. As Talid approached his apartment, Erin saw him pass up a drell. She'd never seen Kolyat, or a picture, but he was currently the only other drell on the station. She called out to him, just as he drew his weapon.

"Kolyat!" he turned to look at her, frowned, then turned back to shoot Talid's body guard. Thane came running up from somewhere unseen, and together they both ran into the apartment. When they walked in Kolyat had Talid on his knees at gun point, he looked up at his father in disgust, and Erin popped the heat sink on her pistol just to be sure it was loaded.

"Kolyat," Thane said.

"This is a joke. Now you show up?" Erin understood why Kolyat was so angry, but she knew why Thane did what he did. And he deserved to be heard. Talid begged for his life, not from Erin though, from Thane. She thought that was ironic somehow. Bailey walked in, told Kolyat to put down his gun, which he refused.

"They'll have snipers outside." The concern was severe and audible in Thanes voice, but Kolyat just shook his head. This wasn't going as smoothly as Erin had hoped, so she began thinking of ways to expedite things. That's when the lamp Kolyat was standing next to caught her attention. '_Just need to be sure to shoot the lamp, and not him.' _

"I don't need your help!" He looked down his gun at the turian on his knees then and that's when she took her shot. He ducked to the side, needlessly. _'With any luck that might offset any warm fuzzy's Thane might have been feeling too, he doesn't need to worry about my feelings.' _"What the-" Kolyat began, and to get his gun away, she punched him. Grabbing the gun as his hand went slack with shock. She told Talid to get out, as he left Kolyat spoke again. "You bitch!" The bitch part hurt, but he was very young, very confused, and very angry. She understood young, confused and angry.

"Your father doesn't have much time left Kolyat. He's trying to make up for his mistakes." Erin tried to speak gently, but it only seemed to fuel his fire.

"What? So you came to get my forgiveness? So you can die in peace or something?" Thane stepped up.

"I came to grant you peace…you're angry because I wasn't there when your mother died." A soft shimmer of light began to show in his eyes, but he didn't cry.

"You weren't there when she was alive! Why should you be there when she died?" Kolyat asked, harshly, and Thane hung his head low in shame.

"Your mother…they killed her to get to me. It was my fault." Erin went to stand by Bailey, to give them some space.

"What?" Kolyat seemed genuinely surprised, and shocked.

"After he body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men, the ring leaders. I hurt them, eventually killed them. When I went back to see you, you were…older. I should've stayed with you." Kolyat had stepped closer to his father, but apparently he still wasn't ready to let go of his anger yet.

"I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long huh?" She knew that tone. It was a tone kids used when they weren't mad at their parents any longer, but they weren't ready to not be angry.

"Kolyat, I've taken many bad things out of the world. You're the only good thing I ever added to it." That broke him, Erin knew, she could see the tears running down his cheeks. Kolyat may have been angry, but he did want to be close to his father still. No amount of angry ever really changes that, hides it well yes, but never changes it. Bailey suggested they both use a private room back at C-Sec, away from the eyes of strangers.

* * *

Thane entered the room that Bailey had cleared for Kolyat and his father. Erin watched as the doors closed and turned to Bailey.

"This will need to stay within C-sec. No jury, no trial, he didn't kill anyone that wasn't a criminal. I saw those two shaking down human businesses like thugs." Bailey nodded.

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do." Erin nodded once before she turned to leave, hoping in vain that Garrus wouldn't stop her.

" Aren't you going to wait until they're done?" He asked, and she shook her head.

"No, I'm not. Would you wait for them to finish for me, Garrus? Tell Thane that we'll be docked here for a day or two. The crew needs some down time." she tried to make a quick get away, but being the ever dutiful best friend and adopted big brother, he grabbed her wrist.

"Why aren't you waiting Shepard? This isn't like you, you're always there for everyone on your crew. Why not Thane?" her eyes began to burn, she wasn't used to crying so much.

"I just need to get back to the Normandy. I have a few upgrades I need to do on my omni-tool and it's going to take a while." she knew it was a lie and so did he, Erin never lied to Garrus. She didn't need to, he was her closest friend.

"I don't buy that crap Erin. What's bothering you?" she shook her hand roughly free of his grip, afraid that Thane would walk out at any minute.

"If you absolutely MUST know, then come find me later. I'll be in the tech lab, but I have to go Garrus!" and she half ran back to the Normandy. Leaving Garrus and Bailey both completely confused.


	5. Surprises

**Hey everybody! Sorry this update took so long, things got hectic around my house and  
I've hardly had a moment to myself. But! Here it is, it's shorter than the last few but that's mostly because I'm  
not bothering to write in the missions anymore. I'm not very creative as far as action writing goes and I love the game too much  
to stray far from what's in it. The previous 4 chapters have mostly been to build up Erin Shepard. Character, habits, yada yada yada. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 5

Erin walked through the Normandy, on her way to the tech lab. She really did have a few upgrades to start work on. As she entered the tech lab, Mordin looked up at her.

"Shepard, glad you are here. Found viable solution for Thane's disease. Difficult finding proteins to heal lung tissue damage. But, found unlikely parasite. Feeds off dead tissue. Similar to maggots on Earth. Far smaller, however. Micro-size. Encourages re-growth of new tissue. Cooperative symbiosis." Shell shocked, all Erin could do was nod for a moment. Then she rubbed her eyes wondering if she was going to wake up.

"Ok...infect Thane with a parasite to help with the lung tissue...what about when the dead tissue is gone and the tissue left is healthy again? Will it say that way? And the oxygen, will it reform correctly after that?" Mordin nodded.

"Once dead tissue gone, parasite should leave Thanes body. No longer feasible to remain. Search for new food source. Oxygen doesn't reform in blood because of dead lung tissue. Healed lung tissue should transfer oxygen into proper proteins indefinitely."

"That was fast." grateful as she was that Mordin found a cure for Thane, she'd expected it to take a while. then she remembered Mordin's original cure for Jokers syndrome. "Wait, is this cure going to hurt him?"

"Is possible it will be painful for first 30 hours. Reasonable. Given amount of time disease has had to spread. Only way to know if successful, to try. Tested parasite on samples obtained from Thane's blood, results promising. Said it was simple blood test performed on all crew members. No need to worry."

"How did you know I wanted to keep it a secret?" She hadn't told him

"Thane...complicated. Has known he would die for years. Sudden option of curing disease could have...complicated results." Erin nodded, she'd never thought of that. How would Thane feel when they showed him this cure?

"Results of what?" Erin turned sharply at the sound of his voice. '_Oh no._' was all she could think. She faced Thane, worry written all over her face.

"Thane...Mordin found a cure for your disease…" She had no idea what to say. What if he didn't want to be cured? To go so long and know you were going to die a painful death, to find peace in that certainty from the knowledge that you would be joining a loved one...his wife...she had no way of knowing how he would react to that. Thane simply stared, most likely shocked.

"You found a cure?" Mordin nodded and picked up where she left off. Telling Thane about the parasite, how it worked, what he would have to do.

"Not possible to work on missions while cure in process. Would need to remain in med-bay. But. Yes. Have found cure." Erin watched Thane carefully, she hadn't taken her eyes off of him since she turned to him.

"I just..." she started, but as she spoke Thane turned and walked out of the lab. Erin looked to Mordin, speechless.

"Hmm, complicated results." he said, she nodded her assent and walked out, trying to catch Thane before he reached the elevator. She made it just in time to see the doors close, and see the shocked and confused look on Thanes face. Kelly turned and looked at Erin, well...her back anyway.

"Commander..." Kelly said tentatively, and Erin looked at her.

"Yes Kelly?" her voice sounded hollow, even to her own ears.

"Thane seemed...a little out of sorts. Is everything alright?" Erin stood silently for a moment. 'Well, she is the ship shrink. Maybe she can shed a little light on his reaction.'

"I had Mordin look into a cure for Thane." Kelly's eyes widened.

"Oh...I see..." Erin hated it when people made comments like that, too damned vague.

"Do you think...I mean-" Kelly shook her head.

"I have no idea what to make of his reaction. The only way to know what he's thinking is to ask, Commander." Erin pursed her lips, then turned to enter the elevator when the doors opened. The ride down to the crew deck was only a few moments, but it felt like days to her. 'Please don't let him be angry...please...I just want him healthy and not in pain...please.' to who she was praying she wasn't sure. But she prayed none the less. As the doors opened again, she walked to the life support deck as fast as she could, and stood in front of the door. Praying again for some courage before walking in. Thane was sitting at his table again, hands folded, but clenched tightly together.

"Thane..." he made no sign to acknowledge that she'd spoken. She took a deep breathe. "I'm sorry." was all she could think of to say, but he still didn't seem to either hear or pay her any mind. That aggravated her, 'At least let me know you heard me!' she hated being ignored, so she walked around into his line of sight. "I said I'm sorry! I should have told you I had Mordin look into a cure. I just don't want you to be in pain! I don't want-" before she could finish, Thane stood and strode over to her. Erin was so surprised she backed up to the wall, he continued to advance until he was right in front of her. Inches away from her.

"Why?" was all he said, but she was so startled by his advance that her mouth just hung open like a fly trap. "Why did you have the professor look for a cure Siha?" having never heard the word before, and it confused her.

"I think my translator just glitched, what did you-"

"Do not change the subject. Why did you have Mordin find a cure?" His gaze was intense, but not unkind, just...inquiring. 'Ok Shepard, now or never.' and she took a deep breath.

"Because I care about you...a lot...more than I probably should. I had him look into it originally just because you said you doubted Mordin could find one and well...I know how he loves a challenge..." Thinking back on it then she realized how childish it had been. But she couldn't take it back now. Thane quirked an eyebrow ridge.

"You took that as a challenge?" He didn't sound upset, or angry. Which was odd, then again the entire manner in which he'd acted since he walked into the tech lab was odd.

"Well...yes...it's more than that too though. I-" Erin started, but before she could finish Thane interrupted her.

"But also...because you care for me?" His voice had taken on a gentle tone, Erin just nodded. "More than you should?" she nodded again, and to her surprise, he smiled. Then raised his hand to her cheek and leaned in to brush his lips lightly against hers. Once. Twice. The third time her lips gave way, letting his tongue dance in her mouth, as she wound her hands around his neck while he wrapped his arms round her waist. He pressed his hands into the small of her back, holding her tightly, with a quiet 'hmm' in his deep toned voice. There was a slow rush starting at the top of her head, and she felt it slowly begin to trickle down.

'_How cliché, the first time I've been kissed in two years and I'm getting light headed._' she thought. Suddenly the image of the last kiss she'd had invaded her mind, uninvited and unwanted.

The floor felt like it was swaying beneath her boots, and the affect made it difficult to purge Kaidan from her mind. It was more than that though, her head felt like it was swimming now. She paused just long enough for Thane to notice, misunderstanding her hesitance. And when they pulled apart, both breathing a little heavier than before, she opened her eyes and gasped. It was Kaidan, he was standing in front of her when not a moment before it had been Thane. Kaidan's arms holding her to his chest and not Thane to his. Erin blinked, and blinked and blinked. Trying to get her mind to process what her eyes were seeing.

"Siha...are you well?" Now she was even more confused. Here was Kaidan standing before her, and he spoke with Thanes voice. She shook her head and closed her eyes, using her grip on Thane/Kaidan's shoulders to keep herself upright.

"I need...to get to Dr. Chakwas...I think I'm seeing things...or hearing things...I'm not sure which..." She didn't open her eyes, besides not wanting to see Kaidan again, the rest of the ship around him was swirling in tie-dye colors. He (whoever he was) tried to lead Erin to the med-bay, but she was getting so dizzy she couldn't walk straight. And eventually he swept his arms under her knees to carry her there. With her face pressed against his neck she could feel the frills of his cheek bones, smell bergamot and leather. 'That's Thane's smell...' she realized and instantly relaxed and clung to him tighter. Now aware that who she saw was not really who was there. She heard Chakwas speak as the smell of disinfectant swept her senses.

"Thane! What-ever happened to Shepard?" Chakwas sounded alarmed, but Erin couldn't bring herself to do anything but hold tight to Thane and his solidity as he held her.

"I'm not sure, doctor. She...well we..." Erin giggled a little, he wasn't sure how to tell Chakwas that they'd kissed. And in her...hallucinated state she wasn't as hindered.

"We kissed and now I'm seeing things, help." Erin felt the muscles in Thanes throat work as he swallowed. '_Probably embarrassed._' she thought, then giggled again. Thane's chest rumbled and he chuckled at her silliness, kissing her forehead as he leaned down to lay her on the med-bay bed.

"Ah, I see. Well, best get Mordin for this. I'm better suited to tending open wounds, sudden bouts of hallucinating are his expertise." Erin could hear the sound of Chakwas' boots walking away. "You stay with her Thane, I don't imagine she wants to be alone now." And with that the med-bay doors opened then closed. She could feel herself falling asleep, having never been high before, her system was entirely overwhelmed. Before she lost consciousness she gripped the hand that was resting beside her on the bed. Hoping it was Thane's and trying to remember the conversation they'd had not minutes ago.

"I don't want you to die..." she said weakly, then gave way to the quiet black veil that had begun to pull her under.

***

"Should have consulted me. Human, drell relationships complicated."

"Yes Professor Solus, I see that now. Will she be alright?"

'_What the heck are they babbling about?_' Erin was coming slowly into consciousness, with a headache the size of a reaper. She groaned, and quick as a cobra strike Thane's hand was on hers. She heard the chirp of an omni tool scan.

"Waking, likely mild headache."

"Mild isn't the word I would use. What the hell happened?" She managed to croak out. Her voice rumbled like Thane's, and she coughed to clear her throat

"Apparently prolonged oral contact with drell causes hallucinations in humans." Thane said, Mordin chimed in.

"Natural toxin specifically. Other drell immune. Humans...not. However, Cerberus cybernetics should become accustomed to toxin over time. Affects should fade with...continued exposure." Erin cracked one eye open enough to see a small smirk.

"Are you jerkin me around Mordin?" He gave her a dubious look, then one of utter dismay.

"Shocking suggestion! Doctor/patient confidentiality a sacred trust! Would never dream of...mockery." She didn't miss the quirk at the corners of his mouth as he finished his little speech.

"Uh-huh, sure." and she couldn't help but smile as she closed her eyes as she rode out the last dregs of the headache.

"Should warn you that prolonged contact with drell skin could form rash. Can provide ointment if necessary." Erin refused to open her eyes but she just knew her face was beat red. Thane chuckled, and she peeked at him threw her lashes.

"May I inquire as to what is so humorous?" Thane shook his head.

"Later." He said, and squeezed her hand. Mordin turned to leave the med-bay, then back again just shy of the door.

"Thane, notify me when ready to begin treatment. Further test results show a maximum of 13 hours recovery time after parasite leaves the body, 7 hours for parasite to eliminate dead lung tissue. 20 hours in all. Recommend light general anesthetic, process likely to be painful." Erin's eyes flew open and, headache be damned, she sat up ramrod straight to gape at Thane.

"What did he just say?" He smiled at her, then looked at their hands.

"How much do you remember of yesterday?"

"Yesterday? How long have I been out?!" he patted her hand reassuringly.

"Almost ten hours, be still Siha, you still need to rest." She slowly laid back down on the bed.

"Are you gonna explain what a 'Siha' is?" He smiled, and suddenly she couldn't feel her headache as much. Too many butterflies in her stomach to pay attention to what was going on in her head.

"Another time perhaps. For now, answer my question." The look of ever contented peace in his eyes was hard to resist.

"After you took me to the med-bay? Not much. I remember opening my eyes back on the life support deck and..." She wanted to bite her tongue '_Why the hell did I bring that up?_' she wondered.

"And what Siha?" Erin bit down on her bottom lip. "Please Erin." A tingle ran up her spine, it was the first time he'd spoken her name. And she was so happy from hearing it that whatever fear she'd had about telling him the truth evaporated.

"When I opened my eyes instead of seeing you I saw...someone who I used to be close to..." she wasn't sure how much to tell him, but one look in his eyes urged her to explain further. At least she would have, had he not spoken first.

"I see...if I am not foremost in your mind then I shall be here when no one else competes for your eyes..." Thane rose to leave the med-bay, but Erin grasped his hand and held tight.

"No, don't go. I haven't finished explaining." He seemed reluctant to sit down again, but he did, if a little more distant than before.

"It was before I met you. Before the first Normandy was destroyed. I saw him again on Horizon...that was before we picked you up...if you knew the things he said to me..." her voice became quiet with lingering outrage and fury. Thankfully that was when Garrus walked in.

"She's telling the truth Krios. Kaidan said some horrible things to Shepard, I was there. I've known her longer than anyone on this ship, except Dr. Chakwas. Shepard deserves to be treated with respect, and he doesn't deserve her anymore." Garrus stood at the door like a soldier making field reports. Being her best friend, stepping up to bat for her, watching her six. Like he always did. Having completed his 'Don't sell Shepard short when you don't know the whole story' demeanor, he relaxed and took off 'the big brother hat'. "How are you feeling Shepard? Tali told me you were passed out in the med-bay, and when I came to see you, you were still passed out." He glanced between Thane and Shepard, guessing this was a bad time. But he still wanted to be sure she was ok.

"I'm good Garrus. A little dizzy, kind of nauseated actually, but good. Thanks for coming by to check." She smiled as he walked to her opposite side to touch her shoulder. He looked up at Thane, who was looking resolutely at Shepard, and decided against saying any more.

"Take it easy Shepard. Don't go trying to do too much and tire yourself out again." She nodded and watched as he walked out. Then she looked at Thane, and waited for him to speak.

"This...Kaidan, was his name?" she nodded, too happy he was talking to say a word. "He's-"

"History." She said, her tone leaving no room for doubt of her word. His posture eased, and he gripped her hand again and smiled.

"I believe you Siha."

"Now c'mon, please tell me what 'Siha' means." he chuckled.

" 'Siha', one of the warrior angels of the goddess Arashu. Fierce in wrath, a tenacious protector." There wasn't much else she could do but blush. He raised a hand to her cheek. "Why does your skin do that?"

"Do what?"

"Redden, in that way. It is a lovely shade, please don't misunderstand, I'm simply curious." She could feel her cheeks flushing an even deeper shade of red.

"Well...it's...just...something humans do unconsciously whenever we're embarrassed or over-whelmed." By now she felt like she was a brandishing red. _'Aw jeez, I do not want to be having this conversation in the med-bay, in clear view of the crew!_' Thane seemed to pick up on both the emotions she just described.

"I see..." he said with a warm smile."Perhaps we should discuss this later, away from prying eyes." Erin breathed a sigh of relief, though it did nothing to rid her face of the embarrassing blush that seemed to creep up whenever she was around him. "I would like to discuss another topic."

"Shoot." Thane tilted his head to one side.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Never-mind, what is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Professor Solus' cure." She swallowed reflexively and waited for his next words. "When would it be best to begin? I don't want to be bedridden during an important mission." A slight ringing began in her ears, she wasn't sure she'd heard him right, so she sat up just to be sure.

"I'm sorry, I must still be hallucinating. What did you say?" He leaned forward, his lips hovering just over hers.

"When would be a feasible time for me to take Mordin's cure?" she leaned away to look in his eyes.

"You're serious?" He nodded. "You'll take it?" he nodded again.

"I don't believe we know each other well enough to call this love, but I feel more for you as well. More than I should." Erin smiled at his use of her words, and leaned into him as he lightly touched her chin and kissed her again. Now that she knew what to expect, it didn't worry her anymore. Just as she began to deepen the kiss, Thane pulled away. "I would hate for to be the reason you are incapacitated again for several hours. And you did promise Jack you would help her." Erin huffed, she hated it, but he was right.

"I just don't understand why she wants to blow up an abandoned building so much." She shook her head, '_Oh well, I don't have to understand her to keep my word.' _Then she remembered, '_Loop-hole!_' "Mordin did say that the affects would fade with time and _continued exposure_. So reason dictates you should kiss me more. Just to speed up the process you know." He chuckled at her attempt at wheedling.

"I'm unsure of how much of the crew has heard of this incident, Siha. Do you wish to make our relationship known?" At that she bit her lip. She had no idea how some of the crew would react. Kelly would be gung-ho for it, no doubt. Garrus must know by now, and if he disapproved he'd have said so.

"Point taken, so…my cabin? After I finish helping Jack?" Thane nodded and leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "Just let me know whenever you want to start Mordin's cure. I'll dock us on Omega for a few days. Or maybe the Citadel. Either way, just let me know."

"Very well Shepard, I shall." As he stood up to leave, she added one last bit.

"There's one more thing I remember, before you brought me here." He half turned back to her.

"And what is that Siha?"

"You called me 'Erin'. I liked that." He smiled.

"I shall make note to use it more often, Erin." And he walked out, leaving her to fall back on the bed. Still blushing and her heart pounding like a drum.


	6. Hours

**Hello again everyone! Just wanted to take a sec and send out another HUGE thank you to my beta reader for this chapter, Spyke1985! You saved me from the horrible fate of hating my own chapter from over-reading!**

* * *

Chapter Six

Erin dragged herself through the door to her quarters, helping Jack had been a nightmare. They were supposed to get in, blow up the building, get out and go on to more important things. She hadn't planned on a firefight with more blood pack mercs. But as usual, things had changed. As she lay in bed she cataloged what needed to be done next.

Tali had received a message that she was being charged with treason. '_Anyone who knows her should know its bullshit that Tali would commit treason._' that had to be nipped in the bud ASAP. And Samara wanted to go to Omega to hunt down and kill her daughter. Which deeply concerned Erin on a number of levels but, after hearing what Morinth had done and what she'd been doing, she understood Samara's reasons. So she spoke with Tali, then sent a message to the migrant fleet that time was hard pressed for the moment and they would need two weeks to get to the flotilla.

A prompt message had returned shortly saying they would wait to begin the trial, and give her the time she needed. Not that helping Tali wasn't a priority, but she wanted Thane for that mission. And they'd already discussed going to Omega and starting the procedure for his cure once Samara's daughter had been taken care of. Erin huffed a sigh into her pillow _'Round and round the mulberry bush.'_ she jokingly chanted to herself, it felt so often now like she was running in circles.

So now they were headed for Omega. '_Ok, just another few minutes and then go down to speak to Thane again._' he'd assured her that he was ready and wanted Mordin's cure for his own reasons, but she still wanted to talk with him once more. She barely felt it as exhaustion over took her.

*****DREAM/MEMORY***  
**"Siha, I appreciate your concern, and I care for you deeply, but I have many reasons for wanting this cure." She breathed a sigh of relief at that, she didn't want to be his main reason. His son should be, and was.

"Good, I'd hate to feel like I was keeping you alive for purely selfish reasons." she smiled, and he smirked at her.

"I confess, though you are not my primary reason you are a large one." With that he'd slid his hands along her sides and around her waist. Pulling her close, and leaning in to kiss her, but stopping just short of pressing his lips to hers. "Perhaps we should not. We will reach Omega shortly and you shall need your wits for hunting an Ardat-Yakshi." her eyes narrowed and she wrapped her hand around his neck, forcing him those last few inches closer. He moaned into her mouth as she crushed their bodies together, holding her tighter and rubbing the sensitive skin at the small of her back in rhythmic circles.

"I do not take no for an answer Mr. Krios, and we have a few hours before we reach Omega. So I don't want to hear another word about 'no getting Shepard high before a mission'." he chuckled at her mock stern tone, and sat down with her legs astride his lap. Their chests pushed together so closely, it felt as though they were one person. She pulled to the side for a gasping breathe and Thane turned his attention to her neck, gently sucking the soft skin and running his nose along her collar bone. The sensation made her tremble as she kissed his brow ridge. _'I'm not going to be the only one here melting like butter.'_ she thought. And his breathing hitched as her fingers kneaded the back of his neck with one hand, using the other to lightly trace the ridges along the top of his head, and felt him shudder._ 'Apparently there are some things that transcend species.'_ She smiled at that, _'Maybe we're not so different.'_

Thane wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face against her neck as he breathed in her scent. And they sat that way for a few peaceful moments.  
*****DREAM/MEMORY*****

"We have reached Omega Commander." Erin jolted back into consciousness, breathing in deeply through her nose, and tried to get her bearings.

"EDI, how long have I been asleep?" she raised her hand to her eyes, rubbing the remains of drowsiness away.

"Six hours, Commander." _'Well damn, so much for 'just a few minutes'.'_

"Thank you EDI."

"Samara has returned to the ship. She asked me to inform you that she has set out a report of her findings."

"Thanks again EDI, tell her that I'll read it and be down in forty minutes. That's all."

"Logging you out Shepard." Erin walked over to her desk and opened up her console to read the report and hung her head as she finished.

'_A club. Why a damn club?_' She had just enough time to shower and get ready for her debut, she groaned. Erin hated clubs, too much noise, people chattering, and bass pumping so loud you couldn't even hear the music. What was the point?

Once she finished showering, she fixed her hair and make-up. As Erin walked down to the airlock, her 'done up' look earned her more than a few side long glances. One crew member even stopped her to ask why she was on the ship. "I know I'm fairly laid back but I don't tolerate insubordination." The crewman visibly jumped, shocked that it was Shepard he was speaking to and apologized profusely. Still chuckling, she walked over to the airlock where Samara and Thane were waiting for her. As he turned to look at her, his eyes widened and Erin smiled shyly. Samara's look wasn't much different.

"Well?" she asked, and spun around to get their opinions. Samara nodded her approval.

"You look ravishing Shepard, everyone present is sure to be drawn to you, Morinth will not be able to resist." Erin thanked her for her compliment and looked at Thane. She was about to ask what he thought when Joker pitched in his two cents.

"Jeez Commander, you clean up nice! You've even got Thane speechless!" Still waiting for Thane's response she smiled broadly, ever patient. Or at least pretending to be.

"Beautiful." he said, in an almost reverent way. Never in her life had Erin been so thankful to have been wearing make-up. Otherwise the rising heat on her face would have been even more visible to the whole crew.

"Well, let's get going. This dress is way too short for my liking." She kept trying to tug the ends of it down; long skirts were her taste, not dresses so short they barely counted as a dress. "Thane, you go on ahead and find an inconspicuous place where you can keep an eye out." he nodded and bowed, then turned and left.

"Ok Samara, this is your show. How do you want to play it?"

*******

Samara had been right, Morinth sought Erin out almost as soon as she'd walked in. Things had gone fairly smoothly after that. Go to the apartment, stall for time. Let Samara finish what she'd came there to do, and as she walked away from the body of her dead daughter she'd begged to get back to the ship quickly. Erin had other things on her mind so she told her to go ahead, after Samara walked away she began to look for Thane. Before too long he'd found her and, where no one else could see, he pulled her tightly against himself.

"I did not enjoy watching you leave with that dangerous creature." He said as he held her close.

"Had to be done, I promised Samara." In truth she hadn't enjoyed it either, but she wasn't about to make his stress any worse. "Are you ready for Mordin's cure?" she asked.

"Yes, Siha." He said, as pressed his forehead to hers.

"Then let's go."

*****Back on the Normandy*****

"Ready to begin procedure?" Mordin asked as Thane and Erin both walked into the tech lab. Thane spoke first.

"What must I do to prepare?"

"Have made Chakwas aware of procedure. Must prep parasite for introduction into blood. May take an hour or so. Suggest eating in the mean time. Will need protein to assist with healing after parasite begins to work."

"Very well." Thane faced Erin then, and waved one hand to the door.

"So, food then?" Erin asked, both Mordin and Thane nodded.

"Yes, med-bay after. Chakwas will administer general anesthetic."

As the couple walked out of the lab, Erin had to remind herself to not grab Thane's hand. They still had to try to keep their relationship a secret. Then a thought hit her.

"Wait, you aren't expecting me to leave you in the med-bay alone are you?"

"Dr. Solus did say it would take twenty hours Si-" He paused as a crew member walked past. "Shepard. I do not expect you to sit there while I lay immobile on a gurney." Erin wasn't sure whether she was mad or not, he had to have been crazy to think she'd leave him there, going through what could possibly be a very painful endeavor, but they'd also been trying to be careful to keep their relationship mostly unknown to the crew. A few people knew already, sure, but not everyone was likely to be as accepting as Garrus, Mordin, and Dr. Chakwas.

After they finished the meal that Gardner fixed for them, they walked to the med-bay. Dr. Chakwas was waiting with all the materials that Mordin had told her to prep. Sterile needles, an IV needle and drip, an oxygen mask, and sterile gauze pads were all laid out on a table in the far corner of the room.

"Ah, Thane, you're here. Good. Please change into these, then come back and have a seat on the bed next to the table I have prepped." Chakwas handed Thane a clean white scrub shirt and a pair of pants. He took them with steady hands but Erin thought she could see a look of apprehension in his eyes.

"Thank you doctor." He said as he turned to leave so he could dress. Erin watched him walk out just as Mordin walked in.

"Thane, forgot to mention-" He began, but then he noticed the scrubs in Thane's hands. "Ah, Chakwas provided sterile clothing, good. Change first. When you return, will begin procedure." He walked over to the table set out, and laid down some of the vials he'd brought in. "Shepard, understand worries regarding cure. Rest easy, have run multiple tests. Will be successful." he smiled reassuringly. Somehow her nerves weren't calmed.

"I appreciate that Mordin." She said. Once Thane came back, barefoot but dressed, he walked straight to the bed and sat, hardly looking at her. Erin walked over to sit beside him in a chair Chakwas had procured for her.

"You alright, Thane?" As she looked up at him he was eyeing the table of needles, and she reached for his hand.

"Worried?" She asked gently, but he shook his head.

"Not…no…terrified." He said, smiling. Erin smiled back as she held his hand. Then Dr. Chakwas came up on his opposite side.

"I need to insert your IV." She said. Thane didn't turn his head to watch, he just laid his head back and closed his eyes while Chakwas pressed the needle into his arm. "This is just the general anesthetic, it'll need about thirty minutes to work in your system before we administer the parasite." He nodded, eyes still closed. After about fifteen minutes she asked how he was doing.

"Quite well Doctor, thank you." The drowsiness of the anesthetic hadn't hampered his usual polite manner, but it weighed heavily on his voice. He opened his eyes. "Should I sleep or try to remain conscious?"

"Either is feasible. Wish to sleep, sleep. Wish to stay awake, don't sleep. Either way." Erin looked over at Mordin. She'd thought he was too engrossed in whatever he was looking at to pay attention to anything else, but apparently not. "However, will administer cure shortly. Sleeping while in progress…unlikely." Thane just nodded and closed his eyes again.

"Thane?" Erin spoke, but it looked like he'd passed out, she looked at Chakwas. "I thought it was a light anesthetic?"

"It is Shepard, he could have stayed awake if he'd wanted to. I imagine it'd be nice to get a few moments peaceful rest before he faces the next seven hours." That was true enough. With Thane asleep she stood to stretch her legs as the next fifteen minutes passed agonizingly slowly. Finally Mordin walked over, a syringe filled with a clear liquid in hand, nodding to Shepard first then Thane. She took the subtle cue and shook Thane gently, and his eyes opened slowly.

"Should know, introducing cure now. Will take an hour to reach full effect." Thane nodded and closed his eyes once more. Mordin injected the cure into Thane's IV, and looked at Shepard. "After first hour, pain likely to begin. Thought you should know."

The next seven hours were brutal. Thane's breathing became more labored within the first thirty minutes. At the hour mark he began grunting and gasping for breath occasionally. Every hour after that was an alternating pattern, in increasing intensities. Cough, grunt, jerk, grip sheets. Jerk, grunt, grip sheets, cough. But Erin sat with him all night. At one point his whole body had begun to tremble from how hard he was tensing from the pain.

"Can't you give him a stronger anesthetic? At least he could sleep through this." Chakwas and Mordin both shook their heads. But it was Thane who spoke.

"I do not wish to be completely incapacitated. I can bear this Erin, don't worry." He said, through another fit of jerking and trembling, it made her heart ache to watch. Eventually the spasms, and gasps of pain subsided, leaving Thane breathing heavily on the bed. "I think…" he began, his voice was shaky but strong. "That I should rest now." He turned his head towards Erin and gripped her hand. "Thank you for sitting with me Siha, but you should go and rest. I shall be here for quite a while." At first she was reluctant to go, and he argued with her the entire time. Her insisting she stay, and he insisting she go. Eventually though, fatigue and exhaustion won out and she walked toward the door.

"If anything comes up Mordin, you'll let me know?"

"Of course Shepard, parasite completed its job. Leaving Thane's body, as I said. Should take another twelve to thirteen hours. Patient should rest until process complete. So should you. Will notify you if anything develops." Still uneasy, and more than a little hesitant, she left for her cabin. She dragged herself through the door, down the small set of stairs, and promptly passed out on her bed.

Just before she got up, she heard the door to her cabin hiss open and then closed, but she didn't have the energy at the moment to see who it was.

"Shepard isn't available at the moment, but if you leave a message she'll get back to you as soon as she can, BEEP!" she shouted through her pillow, hoping it wasn't Mordin, or someone on the ship with a lack of good humor.

"Erin...?" as soon as she heard his voice she popped up off her pillow and looked in the direction his voice had come from.

"Kaidan? What the hell are you doing here?" Kaidan stood by her desk, looking awkward, uncomfortable, and likely irritated that she wasn't happy to see him.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said-" Erin didn't really care what he had to say, it was more of a rhetorical question.

"How the hell did you get here?"


	7. Return from unplanned leave of absence

**Hey guys, I know it's been a while since my last update and I wanted to say I'm sorry for the hold up. First I got sick like you wouldn't believe, and that what's gone on entirely too long. Damn upper ! Kinda hard to find writing inspiration when you can't breath. ." Anyway, I'm better now and back to writing! Hoping to have the next chap out soon!**


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